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YOUR NEW FAVORITE SONG
I have the best musical taste in the world so, in no particular order… [many songs are new, but some are just new to me]

Here are my new picks for 2017 Jan. through May…

The best new full albums in 2017 are The Mountain Goats “Goths”, Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit “The Nashville Sound”, Aimee Mann “Mental Illness”, Cory Branan’s “Adios”, The Magnetic Fields “50 Song Memoir”, Craig Finn “We All Want the Same Things”, John Moreland “Big Bad Luv” and The Smith Street Band “More Scared of You Than You Are of Me”
Best new EP is The Family Crest “Prelude to War”

MAY 17
1. Murder By Death “Brother”
2. Super American “Sloppy Jazz”
3. Save Ends “I Fell Asleep”
4. King Neptune “Black Hole”
5. The Magnetic Fields “Be True to Your Bar”
6. Tobin Sprout “And So On”
7. Amelia Curran “Come Back for Me”
8. Michael Logen “Ready or Not”
9. Craig Finn “Preludes
10. Aimee Mann “Goose Snow Cone
11. Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit “Hope the High Road
12. The Mountain Goats “Rain in Soho
13. The Family Crest “Mirror Love

APRIL 17
1. Car Seat Headrest “Not Just What I Needed”
2. The Magnetic Fields “I Think I’ll Make Another World”
3. The Smith Street Band “Laughing (Or Pretending to Laugh)”
4. Tobin Sprout “Beast of Souls”
5. Reckless Kelly “Everything I Could Do Wrong”
6. Carrie Nation and the Speakeasy “Promised Land”
7. Franz Nicolay “Felix & Adelita”
8. Colleen Green “Only One”
9. Defiance, Ohio “This Time, This Year”
10. J Church “Styrofoam”

MARCH 17
1. Bon Iver “Heavenly Father”
2. The Magnetic Fields “Hustle ’76″
3. Willard Grant Conspiracy “Let It Roll”
4. Early Riser “The Nevers”
5. The Front Bottoms “Au Revoir”
6. Bracket “The Last Page”
7. Mandolin Orange “Wildfire”
8. The Smith Street Band “Something I Can Hold In My Hands”
9. The Tim Version “Murder”
10. Gunmoll “Point”
11. Malcolm Holcombe “Sweet Georgia”
12. Less Than Jake “Throw the Brick”

FEB 17
1. The Front Bottoms “Flashlight”
2. Cory Branan “Don’t Go”
3. Defiance, Ohio “Calling Old Friends”
4. Calexico “Bullets & rocks”
5. Conor Oberest “A Little Uncanny”
6. Joey Cape “This Life Is Strange”
7. Two Cow Garage “Let the Boys Be Girls”
8. Jkutchma & the Five Fifths “Used to Believe”
9. Reckless Kelly “These Tears”
10. Sam Beam & Jesca Hoop “Midas Tongue”
11. Morning Glory “Home Free”
12. Neko Case “Lady Pilot”
13. John K Samson 17th Street Treatment Center”

JAN. 17
1. Dick Diver – “Calendar Days”
2. Cheap Girls “Knock Me Over”
3. Jkutchma &the Five Fifths “The Carolers at 3am”
4. John K Samson “Winter Wheat”
5. Drive By Truckers “Sun Don’t Shine”
6. Jose Gonzalez “Crosses”
7. Mock Orange “Captain Love”
8. The Innocence Mission “Bright As Yellow”
9. Hiss Golden Messenger “Heart Like A Levee”
10. Blind Pilot – “Packed Power”
11. Fruit Bats “Dolly”
12. Amanda Shires “Harmless”
13. The Murderburgers “Now That You’re #21″
14. Get Dead “Keep Rowing, Stupid”
15. Direct Hit! “Chemical Ability”

R.I.P. Robert Fisher, the genius behind The Willard Grant Conspiracy.

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ALBUMS OF THE YEAR 2016
Amanda Shires “My Piece of Land”
Lydia Loveless “REAL” (on improv4humans)
Austin Lucas “Between the Moon & the Midwest” (on improv4humans)
BJ Barham “Rockingham”
Chris Farren “Can’t Die” (on improv4humans)
Jeff Rosenstock “Worry.” (on improv4humans)
Dawes “We’re All Gonna Die” (on improv4humans)
Brian Fallon “Painkillers”
John K Samson “Winter Wheat”
The Mowgli’s “Where’d Your Weekend Go?” (on improv4humans)
Reckless Kelly “Sunset Motel”
Hallelujah the Hills “A Band Is Something To Figure Out” (on improv4humans)
Sturgill Simpson “A Sailor’s Guide to Earth”
Big Ups “Before a Million Universes”
The Julie Ruin “Hit Reset”
Massy Ferguson “Run It Right Into The Wall”
Drive By Truckers “American Band”
White Lung “Paradise”
NOFX “First Ditch Effort”
Parsonsfield “Blooming Through the Black”
The Hotelier “Goodness”
Radical Face “The Family Tree: The Bastards”
Radical Face “The Family Tree: The Leaves”

SONG OF THE YEAR
Radical Face “Everything Costs”
(and why not call it video of the year? watch it in conjunction with this video

THE ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Radical Face The Family Tree trilogy
This year Radical Face completed the Family Tree trilogy with Leaves. This truly was an epic experiment in album making. Works like this remind a music collector why it is still worth buying the whole album.
(runner up: Austin Lucas- see below)

BEST CONCEPT ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Austin Lucas “Between the Moon & the Midwest”
(hear him play some songs of this on improv4humans)

BEST PUNK ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Jeff Rosenstock “WORRY.”
(runner up: The Falcon “Gather Up the Chaps” & NOFX “First Ditch Effort”)


HIP HOP ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Chance the Rapper “Coloring Book”

SONG OF THE SUMMER ’16
Band of Horses “Casual Party”


BEST LIVE CONCERT

Clutch at Bonnaroo
(runner up: Dixie Chicks at Hollywood Bowl)

BEST MUSIC DOCUMENTARY
Blaze Foley: The Duct Tape Messiah

DEATH IN MUSIC 2016
Yes it is sad that we lost Prince, Bowie, and Leonard, but let’s shine some light on Erik Petersen of Mischief Brew. Seemed to be one of the leaders of the folk punk movement. Support his family by buying his music.
Also a fan of deceased John Stabb, the genius behind Government Issue.
“There’s a hole in the scene, Where the brain used to be”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

DECEMBER 16
1. Chris Farren “Can’t Die”
2. Jeff Rosenstock”We Begged 2 Explode”
3. Reckless Kelly “Sunset Motel”
4. Carrie Nation “13 Riders”
5. Michael Jordan Touchdown Pass “The Moment That I Met You”
6. Sledding With Tigers “The Kids Will Be Alright, Eventually”
7. You Blew It! “The Fifties”
8. Dinosawh “Oh Charlatan”
9. Eric Ayotte “Patrimony”
10. Rye N Clover “Remember the Sunflowers”

NOVEMBER 16
1. Dawes “One Of Us”
2. Best Friends Forever “Abe Lincoln”
3. Nana Grizol “Cynicism”
4. Saintseneca “Roanoke”
5. Rosa “Starch & Carbohydrates”
6. Jidenna “Long Live the Chief”
7. Anderson. Paak “Come Down”
8. Jim Lauderdale “Patchwork River”
9. Vigilantes of Love “Galaxy”
10. Spoonboy “The Mamas and the Papas”

OCTOBER 16
1. The Coal Men “Father Find Me Now”
2. Jared & the Mill “Breathe Me In”
3. Electric President “Lullaby”
4. Two Gallants “We Are Undone”
5. Tom Rosenthal “Go Solo”
6. Peter Wolf Crier “Hard As Nails”
7. Buddy Miller & Julie Miller “Chalk”
8. Carolina Chocolate Drops “Hit Em Up Style”
9. Joe Henry “Time Is A Lion”
10. 16 Horsepower “Nobody Cept You”

SEPTEMBER 16
1. Erik Petersen “Olde Tyme Mem’ry”
2. Jesu & Sun Kil Moon “Fragile”
3. The Avett Brothers “I Wish I Was”
4. Girl Band “Lawman”
5. Gatsby’s American Dream “Volcano”
6. Harley Poe “Don’t Go Into The Woods”
7. Trampled By Turtles “Wait So Long”
8. Andrew Bird & Fiona Apple “Left Handed Kisses”
9. The Falcon “Sailor’s Grave”
10. Days N Daze “Same Shit”

AUGUST 16
1. The Julie Ruin “Mr. So And So”
2. Richmond Fontaine “I Got Off the Bus”
3. LVL UP “Hidden Driver”
4. Massy Ferguson “Into The Wall”
5. Wil Wagner “Laika”
6. Tigers On Trains “South American Soil”
7. Pears “Green Star”
8. Michael McDermott “Shadow in the Window”
9. Matt Anderson “I’m Giving In”
10. Heirlooms of August “Out Among My Flowers”

JULY 16
1. Mischief Brew “Bury Me in Analog” (RIP Erik Petersen)
2. Lilac Sheer “Queen of Hollywood”
3. Escondido “Heart is Black”
4. Angel Haze “Battle Cry”
5. The Interrupters “Be By My Side”
6. Together Pangea “River”
7. Ezra Furman “Lousy Connection”
8. An Atlas to Follow “If Only You Knew”
9. White Lung “Below”
10. Grant Lee Phillips “Just Another River Town”

JUNE 16
1. American Aquarium “Man I’m Supposed to Be”
2. Pinegrove “Cadmium”
3. Austin Lucas w/ Lydia Loveless “Wrong Side of the Dream”
4. Richmond Fontaine “Tapped Out In Tulsa”
5. Kate Tempest “Lonely Daze”
6. Iron & Wine w/ Calexico “A History of Lovers”
7. Vanessa Carlton “Matter of Time”
8. Fernando “The Fly”
9. Adam Faucett “Day Drinker”
10. Animal Collective “FloriDada”

MAY 16
1. Government Issue “Strange Wine” / “Hole in the Scene” (RIP John Stabb)
2. The Barr Brothers “Even the Darkness Has Arms”
3. The Mowgli’s “Home To You”
4. Jeffery Lewis & Los Bolts “Sad Screaming Old Man”
5. The Decline! “The Blurst of Times”
6. Al Scorch “Lost At Sea”
7. Unlovables “Please Don’t Change”
8. Shamir “Don’t Make A Scene”
9. The Hotelier “Piano Player”
10. Open Mike Eagle & Paul White “Admitting the Endorphin Addiction”

APRIL 16
1. Miles Nielson & The Rusted Hearts “Sarah”
2. Sturgill Simpson “Oh Sarah”
3. Sam Russo “Crayfish Tales”
4. Brian Fallon “Smoke”
5. John Moreland “Gospel”
6. Civil Twiliight “Oh Daniel”
7. Hayden “No Happy Birthday”
8. Clutch “Walpole Man”
9. Blackbird Raum “Last Legs”
10. Kate Tempest “The Beigeness”

MARCH 16
1. Lizzo “Good As Hell”
2. Arliss Nancy “Vonnegut”
3. Halleelujah the Hills “”I’m In the Phone Book”
4. Lucious “Dusty Trails”
5. Ibeyi Ibeyi “River”
6. Quiet Company “You, Me, and the Boatman”
7. Dumbfoundead “Cell Phone”
8. The Wood Brothers “Luckiest Man”
9. The Lion & The Wolf “Symptoms”
10. Gretchen Peters “When You Comin’ Home”

FEB 16
1. Andra Day “Rise Up”
2. E.S.G. “Screwzoo”
3. Regina Spektor “Laughing With”
4. The Front Bottoms “Flying Model Rockets”
5. Podacter “Living Infants”
6. Sam Gleaves “Ain’t We Brothers”
7. Pinback “Shag”
8. Kill Lincoln “Wake, Wait, Repeat”
9. Darlingside “The Ancestor”
10. Gun Outfit “Blue Hour”

JAN 16
1. Autre Ne Veut “Age of Transparency”
2. Darius Koski “Show Me the Way”
3. Hayden “Blurry Nights”
4. Lady Lamb “Violet Clementine”
5. The Winter Passing “Daisy”
6. Darlingside “Terrible Things”
7. Break Anchor “First World Problems”
8. Lord Huron “Fool For Love”
9. The Staves “Black & White”
10. Mischief Brew “City of Black Fridays”
11. David Ramirez “New Way of Living”
12. The Lion & The Wolf “Colour”
13. The Front Bottoms “Laugh Till I Cry”
14. Math the Band “Why Didn’t You Get A Haircut?”
15. Crooked Fingers “You Threw A Spark”

SONGS OF YEAR
Modest Mouse “Ansel”
Allison Weiss “Who We Are”
Ben Lee “Happiness”
Ryan Bingham “Snow Falls in June”
Murder By Death “Big Dark Love”
Jason Isbell “Something More Than Free”

ALBUMS OF THE YEAR
Murder By Death “Big Dark Love”
Allison Weiss “New Love”
Dan Deacon “Gliss Riffer”
Dawes “All Your Favorite Bands”
Lucero “All A Man Should Do”
The Mountain Goats “Beat the Champ”
The Bottle Rockets “South Broadway Athletic Club”
Deathcab for Cutie “Kintsugi”
John Moreland “High On Tulsa Heat”
Brent Best “Your Dog Champ”
Beirut “No No No”
Jeff Rosenstock “We Cool?”
Sufjan Stevens “Carrie & Lowell”
Ben Lee “Love Is The Great Rebellion”

DEC 15
1. Arliss Nancy “Nothing To Show”
2. Hop Along “Waitress”
3. Tate Kobang “Bank Rolls”
4. Will Johnson “Call, Call,Call”
5. Julien Baker “Something”
6. Torres “New Skin”
7. Vince Staples “Norf Norf”
8. Craig Finn “Maggie I’ve Been Searching for Our Son”
9. Corb Lund “S Lazy H”
10. Oneohtrix Point Never – “Sticky Drama”
11. Brockhampton “Dirt”
12. The Front Bottoms “Twin Size Mattress”
13. Samantha Crain “Santa Fe”
14. All Dogs “That Kind of Girl”
15. Divers “Breathless”
16. Benjamin Clementine “Nemesis”
17. The Mike + Ruthy Band “Bright as You Can”
18. Sleeping with Sirens “Go Go Go”
19. Saintseneca “Sleeper Hold”
20. Spraynard “Applebee’s Bar”
21. Caitlin Canty “Get Up”
22. Andy Shauf “You Remind Me”
23. Erin Rae & the Meanwhiles “Soon Enough”
24. Andrew Combs “Too Stoned To Cry”
25. Houndmouth “Penitentiary”
26. Fidlar “West Coast”
27. Great Cynics “North Street”
28. Bully “Trying”
29. Jidenna “Classic Man”

NOV 15
1. The Dollyrots “Because I”m Awesome”
2. The Yawpers “American Man”
3. Hiccup “Whatevs, It’s Cool”
4. Bracket “Pessimist”
5. KDC “”Imperio Tijuanero”
6. Oh My Snare! “Unforetold Hands and Voices”
7. Wet Nurse “Belly Hurts”
8. Western Settings “Yes It Is”
9. Wonk Unit “Running”
10. The Unloveables “Samantha”
11. Typesetter “Settling”
12. Worriers “Precarity Rules”
13. Sundressed “The Dirt”
14. Pet Symmetry “A Detailed and Poetic Physical Threat to the People Who Intentionally Vandalized My 1994 Dodge Intrepid Behind Kate’s Apartment”
15. Prawn “Scud Running”
16. Teen Agers “Moving Forward”
17. Birthday Candles “Otherside”
18. Broadcaster “I Don’t Want to Talk”
19. Cayetana “Ella”
20. Wolf-Face “I Wanna Be a Homo Sapien”
21. Dingus “Time To Lose”
22. Crucial Dudes “Small, Bent, and Ugly”
23. The Creeps “Everything Makes Sense”
24. The Color and Sound “Back To Me”
25. Counterpunch “And Everybody’s RIght (Asshole)”
26. Midnight Reruns “Ain’t Gonna Find”
27. Eli Whiteny & The Sound Machine “Gutterball”
28. Kill Lincoln “Good Riddance to Good Advice”
29. Look Mexico & Frank Turner “You Go. I Stay. No Following.”
30. Meat Wave “Sunlight”
31. Irish Handcuffs “Sunday’s Ghosts”
32. Into It. Over It. “The Shaking of Leaves”
33. The Ones to Blame “Hold Me Down”
34. Grey Gordon “To Impart a Little Wisdom”
35. Heartless Breakers “Bitter Melodies”
36. Football, Etc. “Sudden Death”
37. I’m Gald It’s You “Curbside”
38. Foxing “Rory”
39. High Dive “Tennessee”
40. The Darkness “Sarah O”Sarah”
41. The Willard Grant Conspiracy “River In the Pines”

OCT 15
1. Brent Best “Aunt Ramona”
2. Brent Best “Robert Cole”
3. SOAK “B A NoBody”
4. Hurray For the Riff Raff “Forever Is Just A Day”
5. Beirut “So Allowed”
6. Toh Kay “Hokum All Ye Faithful”
7. Built To Spill “On The Way”
8. Jeff Rosenstock “Nausea”
9. Jim Bryson “Stuck In the Middle”
10> Allison Weiss “The Sound”

SEPT 15
1. Beirut “No No No”
2. Lucero “My Girl & Me In ’93″
3. Frank Turner “Get Better
4. Frank Turner “Silent Key”
5. The White Buffalo “Go The Distance”
6. Desaparecidos “MariKKKopa”
7. Tech N9ne “Over It”
8. Laura Marling “False Hope”
9. American Steel “Smile On Me”
10. John Moreland “High On Tulsa Heat”

AUG 15
1. Jim Bryson “Ontario”
2. Death Cab for Cutie “No Room In Frame”
3. The Bottle Rockets “Something Good”
4. The Tallest Man On Earth “Sagres”
5. Jason Isbell “Something More Than Free”
6. The Mountain Goats “Used to Haunt”
7. Jason Isbell “The Life You Chose”
8. Dawes “Things Happen”
9. Lord Huron “She Lit A Fire”

JULY 15
1. Jenny Owens Young “Transmittor Failure”
2. Sufjan Stevens “Should Have Known Better”
3. Girlpool “Blah Blah Blah”
4. Brandon Flowers “Never Get You Right”
5. The Family Crest “The River”
6. Courtney Barnett “Dead Fox”
7. Thecocknbullkid “On My Own Again”
8. Sun Kil Moon “This Is My First Day And I’m Indian And I Work At A Gas Station”
9. Miss E “Hummingbird”
10. NOFX & Friends “I’m Suicide”
11. Ani DiFranco “Yeah Yr Right”

JUNE 15
1. Passion Pit “Lifted Up”
2. Brandon Flowers “Untangled Love”
3. Doomtree “Little Mercy”
4. Hop Along “Waitress”
5. Radical Face “Always Gold”
6. The Family Crest “Love Don’t Go”
7. Bracket “Mandy Lynn”

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BEST SCI FI MOVIES ALL TIME (no order)
Midnight Special
Blade Runner
Brazil
Repo Man
Donnie Darko
Idiocracy
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
Mad Max 2: Road Warrior
Mad Max
Minority Report
Logan’s Run
Soylent Green
Her
12 Monkeys
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Primer
Gattaca
Robocop
A Clockwork Orange
Silent Running
Inception
District 9
Westworld
DarK City
They Live
Total Recall
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Planet of the Apes
Brainstorm
Videodrome
Children of Men
City of Ember
Terminator 2: Judgement Day
The Matrix
Edge of Tomorrow
Source Code
Ex Machina
Snow Piercer
The Purge
The Signal
Lucy
The Adjustment Bureau
Never Let Me Go
Gamer
Surrogates
Another Earth
Take Shelter
Sound of My Voice
I Origins
Frequencies
Automata
The One I Love
Looper
Upstream Color
Star Trek: Wrath of Kahn
Re-Animator
Forbidden Zone
Escape from New York
City of Lost Children
eXistenZ
Star Man
The Last Star Fighter
Dreamscape
Fahrenheit 451
Scanners
Star Trek: Voyage Home
Day of the Triffids
Sleeper
Altered States
Andromeda Strain
Enemy Mine
Star Trek: First Contact
Star Trek (2009)
The Hidden
28 Weeks Later
Time Bandits
The Stepford Wives
Hell Boy
The Running Man
Outland
A Boy and His Dog
The Omega Man
Flatliners
Escape to Witch Mountain
Code 46
Frankenhooker
Looker
The Philadelphia Experiment
The Manhattan Project
Waterworld
The Handmaid’s Tale
Firestarter
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
The Truman Show
Starship Troopers
*you didn’t really read the whole list to see if I put Star Wars?

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MAY 15
1. Modest Mouse “Ansel”
2. MisterWives “Coffins”
3. The Mountain Goats “The Legend of Chavo Guerrero”
4. Waters “I Feel Everything”
5. Angus & Julia Stone “Just A Boy”
6. Samantha Crain “Cold Giver”
7. Robert Ellis “Good Intentions”

APRIL 15
1. Ruen Brothers “Summer Sun”
2. Colleen Green “Pay Attention”
3. Azelia Banks “Miss Amour”
4. The Go Team! – “The Art of Getting By”
5. Dan Deacon “When I Was Done Dying”
6. Townes Van Sandt (w/ Willie Nelson) “Marie”

MARCH 15
1. Ryan Bingham “Snow Falls in June”
2. John Moreland “Nobody Gives A Damn About Songs Anymore”
3. The Bottle Rockets “Lucky Break”
4. Noah Gunderson “Ledges”
5. Grizzly Bear “Speak In Rounds”
6. Radical Face “Welcome Home”
7. Shellac “The People’s Microphone”

FEB 15
1. Allison Weiss “Wait For Me”
2. Ha Ha Tonka “Staring At the End of Our Lives”
3. NOFX – “Last Night Was Really Fun?”
4. The Bottle Rockets “Building Chryslers”
5. Murder by Death “Foxglove”
6. Talib Kweli “Ms. Hill”
7. Glen Campbell “I’m Not Gonna Miss You”

—————————————————————————————————
THE MATTY’S
Don’t the grammy’s make you want to fucking throw up?
Shouldn’t they put the word POP in front of every category?!
Welcome to the Matty’s! The best music in the world as determined by the man with the best musical taste in the world…Matt Besser, that’s me!!!

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Sun Kil Moon “Benji”

COUNTRY ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Sturgill Simpson “Metamodern Sounds in Country Music”

AMERICANA ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Cory Branan “The No-Hit Wonder”

ROCK ALBUM OF THE YEAR
The Hold Steady “Teeth Dreams”

PUNK ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Lagwagon “Hang”

RAP ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Open Mike Eagle “Dark Comedy”

SONG OF THE YEAR
Chris Cresswell “Meet Me In the Shade”

BEST DANCE SONG OF THE YEAR
Shamir “On the Regular”

SOLO PERFORMER OF THE YEAR
Sia
Sia doesn’t necessarily do my kind of music but I really like her music and think she really led the pack in terms of artistry. One of the few songs nominated at the grammy’s that is actually difficult to sing.

BEST EMERGING ARTIST
Perfect Pussy

BEST LIVE CONCERT PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR (as seen by Matt Besser)
David Bazan

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

JANUARY 2015
1. Justin Townes Earle “Looking for a Place to Land”
2. Lagwagon “One More Song”
3. Judah & the Lion “Love Your Love”
4. Jenny Owens Youngs “Fuck Was I”
5. Strand of Oaks “Shut In”
6. Murder By Death “No Oath, No Spell”
7. Eels “Fitting In with The Misfits”
8. Mia Dyson “That Sugar”
9. Angus & Julia Stone “A Heartbreak”
10. Christian Lee Hutson “Monster”
11. The Bottlerockets “Wave the Flag”
12. Yellow Ostrich “Don’t be Afraid”
13. Leatherface “Never Say Goodbye”
14. Matthew Ryan “American Dirt”

DECEMBER 2014
1. Violent Soho “Saramona Said”
2. Shamir “On the Regular”
3. Swinging Utters “Fistful of Hollow”
4. Mapei “Don’t Wait”
5. Stray Bullets “New Prisons”
6. Wara from the NBHD “Beige”
7. Murder by Death “Big Dark Love”
8. Cymbals Eat Guitars “Lose”
9. Weezer “Foolish Father”
10. Kelsey Waldon “High In Heels”
11. Together Pangea “River”
12. Damien Rice “It Takes A Lot To Know A Man”
13. Ryan Adams “Harder Now That It’s Over”
14. Chumped “Novella Ella Ella Eh”
15. Hard Girls “On & On”
16. Perfect Pussy “Driver”
17. Jessica Lea Mayfield “Standing In the Sun”
18. Luke Winslow King “Last Night I Dreamed My Birthday”
19. Matthew Ryan “Guilty”
20. Caleb Caudle “Miss You Like Crazy”

MUST BUY FULL ALBUMS: WINTER EDITION
Justin Townes Earle “Absent Fathers”
Murder By Death “Big Dark Love”
Lagwagon “Hang”

—————————————————————————-

BEST ALBUMS 2014
*These are in no particular ranking but I do think “Benji” was the album of the year. Never have so many songs on one album made me cry. Beautiful vignettes.
Sun Kil Moon “Benji”
Justin Townes Earle “Single Mothers”
Cory Branan “The No-Hit Wonder”
The Hold Steady “Teeth Dreams”
Chuck Ragan “Till Midnight”
Hallelujah the Hills “Have You Ever Done Something Evil?”
Drive By Truckers “English Oceans”
Cloud Nothings “Here and Nowhere Else”
Eels “The Cautionary Tales of Mark Oliver Everett”
Sia “1000 Forms of Fear”
Sharon Van Etten “Are We There”
Sturgill Simpson “Metamodern Sounds in Country Music”
The Orwells “Disgraceland”
Chris Cresswell “Oneweekrecord”
Run the Jewels 2

** Who did I miss? Who should I check out (2014 release)?

BEST LIVE SET 2014
Courtney Barnett OUTSIDE LANDS – San Francisco

NOVEMBER 2014
1. Chris Cresswell “Meet Me In the Shade”
2. The New Basement Tapes “Kansas City”
3. Allison Weiss “The End”
4. The Great Unknowns “When I Was Your Girl”
5. The Orwells “Let It Burn”
6. Ryan Adams “Halloween”
7. Jenny Owen Youngs “Drinking Song”

OCTOBER 2014
1. Austin Lucas “Go West”
2. The Gaslight Anthem “Halloween”
3. The Flatliners “Sew My Mouth Shut”
4. John Prine “All the Best”
5. Sturgill Simpson “Just Let Go”

SEPTEMBER 2014
1. Greensky Bluegrass “Burn Them”
2. The Orwells “Mallrats”
3. The Flatliners “Monumental”
4. Justin Townes Earle “Today And A Lonely Night”
5. The Menzingers “I Can’t Seem To Tell”
6. Cory Branan “Daddy Was A Skywriter”
7. Lia Rose “That Lion”
8. John K Samson “Bruce Beckons”

MUST BUY FULL ALBUMS FALL ’14
1. Justin Townes Earle “Single Mothers”
2. Cory Branan “The No-Hit Wonder”
3. Joey Cape’s OneWeekRecords.com has lots of cool projects

AUGUST 2014
1. Justin Townes Earle “Rogers Park”
2. The Rolling Stones “Little T&A”
3. Tim Barry “Short G’Bye”
4. A.C. Newman “Miracle Drug”
5. John Hiatt “Perfectly Good Guitar”
6. Cloud Nothings “I’m Not Part of Me”
7. Joey Cape “Making Friends”
8. Austin Lucas “Let Me In”
9. Archers of Loaf “Chumming the Ocean”
10. The Killers “Jenny Was a Friend of Mine”

JULY 2014
1. Vance Joy “Riptide”
2. Woodkid “I Love You”
3. American Aquarium “Burn, Flicker, Die”
4. San Fermin “Sonick”
5. Paulo Nutini “Candy”
6. Conor Oberst “Hundreds of Ways”
7. Crooked Fingers “New Drink for the Old Drunk”
8. Willard Grant Conspiracy “The Beautiful Song”
9. Lyle Lovett “Private Conversation”
10. Chuck Ragan/ Austin Lucas “The Light”

JUNE 2014
1. Beirut “Nantes”
2. ZZ Top “Tube Snake Boogie”
3. Courtney Barnett “History Eraser”
4. Antarctigo Vespucci “I’m Giving Up On U2″
5. Eels “Parallels”
6. Bad Astronaut “Deformed”
7. Eels “Where I’m From”
8. The Head & the Heart “Josh McBride”
9. Dave Hause “Time Will Tell”
10. Tim Barry “Move On Blues”

MAY 2014
1. Banner Pilot “Dead Tracks”
2. Califone “The Orchids”
3. Chuck Ragan “Something May Catch Fire”
4. Dave Hause “Heavy Heart”
5. Fruit Bats “Tegucigalpa”
6. Joe Pug “The Great Dispiser”
7. John Hiatt “Master of Disaster”
8. Sons of Bill “This Losing fight”
9. Streetlight Manifesto “With Any Sort of Certainty”
10. Tim Barry “Avoding Catatonic Surrender”
11. Two Cow Garage “Bastards & Bridesmaids”
12. Waxahatchee “Rose, 1956″

MUST BUY FULL ALBUMS SPRING ’14 (no particular order)
1. Sun Kil Moon “Benji”
2. The Hold Steady “Teeth Dreams”
3. Chuck Ragan “Till Midnight”
4. Drag the River “Drag the River”
5. Hallelujah the Hills “Have You Ever Done Something Evil?”
6. Dave Hause “Devour”
7. The Black Lillies “Runaway Freeway Blues”
8. M.I.A. “Matangi”
9. Drive By Truckers “English Oceans”
10. Amanda Shires “Down Fell the Doves”

APRIL 2014
1. M.I.A. “Y.A.L.A.”
2. Chuck Ragan “You and I Alone”
3. The Hold Steady “I Hope the Whole Thing Didn’t Frighten You”
4. Hozier “Take Me to Church”
5. Drive By Truckers “Primer Coat”
6. Hallelujah the Hills “Try This Instead”
7. Centro-Matic “Mercedes Blast”
8. Lenny Lashley’s Gang of One “Hooligans”
9. The Fresh & Onlys “Waterfall”
10. Darrell Scott, Danny Thompson, & Kenny Malone “You’ll Never Leave Harlan Alive”


MARCH 2014

1. Armchair Martian “Never Coming Home”
2. Dave Hause “The Shine”
3. The Henry Girls & The Foxhunt “Dig a Little Deeper”
4. Implants “El Ron”
5. Two Cow Garage “Sally, I’ve Been Shot”

FEBRUARY 2014
1. The Milk Carton Kids “Promise Land”
2. Amanda Shires “Bulletproof”
3. Whiskeytown “Lo-Fi Tennessee Mountain Angel”
4. Michael Dean Damron “Dead Days”
5. Bad Astronaut “The F Word”

JANUARY 2014
1. Scorpios “We Won’t Speak of This Again”
2. Willard Grant Conspiracy “Painter Blue”
3. Waxahatchee “Be Good”
4. Fire Iron Frenzy “So Far”
5. Lipstick Homicide “Burning Bridges”
6. The Avett Brothers “Apart From Me”
7. Typhoon “Morton’s Fork”
8. Phosphorescent “Terror in the Canyons”
9. Frank Turner & Jon Snodgrass “Big Rock in Little Rock”
10. Drag the River “Johnny Come Lately”

DECEMBER 2013
1. Sigur Ros “Isjaki”
2. John Grant “Gmf”
3. Thao & the Get Down Stay Down “We the Common”
4. Future Bible Heroes “Drink Nothing But Champagne”
5. Screaming Females “Expire”

NOVEMBER 2013
1. Willy Mason “Shadows in the Dark”
2. Driveway Speeding “Cabbage Case” (Leatherface cover)
3. Swearin’ “Dust in the Gold Sack”
4. Eels “You’re My Friend”
5. Emenem w/ Sia “Beautiful Pain”

OCTOBER 2013
1. Dragoon “Forgive Forget”
2. Slobberbone “Trust Jesus”
3. Beirut “The Penalty”
4. Armchair Martain “Communion”
5. Two Cow Garage “Swingset Assassin”

SEPTEMBER 2013
1. Kathleen Edwards “The Lone Wolf”
2. The Mountain Goats “Waco”
3. Jon Snodgrass “Brave with Strangers”
4. Slobberbone “That Is All”
5. The Tallest Man of Earth “There’s No Leaving Now”

AUGUST 2013
1. Jon Snodgrass “Jessica’s Suicide”
2. I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch in the House “Pauline”
3. Fake Problems “Soulless”
4. Cory Branan “Survivor Blues”
5. Cloud Nothings “Fall In”

MUST HAVE NEW ALBUM
“The Songs of TONY SLY: A Tribute”


JULY 2013

1. Jason Isbell “Elephant”
2. Toh Kay “The Little Things”
3. Michael Dean Damron “The Ghost and the Girl”
4. Shovels & Rope “Lay Low”
5. Bracket “Warren’s Song Part 11″


JUNE 2013

1. Ryan Bingham “No Help From God”
2. Middle Brother “Wilderness”
3. Milo Greene “1957″
4. Tim Barry “This November”
5. Bottomless Pit “Human Out of Me”

BEST NEW ALBUM
Dragoon “This Galaxy is But A Nursery”


MAY 2013

1. Off With Their Heads “Don’t Make Me Go”
2. Headphones “I Never Wanted You”
3. Ben Lee “In the Silence”
4. Tony Sly “Chemical Upgrade”
5. Chuck Ragan & Austin Lucas “Bloody Shells”

APRIL 2013
1. Dave Matthews “Fly”
2. I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch in the House “Walk Across Texas”
3. Streetlight Manifesto “The Three of Us”
4. No!se “Idle Action”
5. Cory Branan & Jon Snodgrass “The Corner”

MARCH 2013
1. Angel Haze “New York”
2. Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit “We’ve Met”
3. Magnetic Fields “Andrew In Drag”
4. Yo La Tengo “Ohm”
5. Metric “The Wanderlust”

BEST FEUD SONG
“On the Edge” – Angel Haze

BEST ALBUM TO LISTEN TO ON AYAHUASCA
“Ayahuasca” Ben Lee

TWO GREAT NEW RAP SONGS

Open Mike Eagle “Qualifiers live from the Laundromat”

Ivan Ives “8MM”

——————————————————————————–

SADDEST STORY SONGS EVER
18 Video Tapes – Jason Meadows
Two Daughters & a Beautiful Wife – Drive By Truckers
Regarding Steven – Blues Traveler
Wildfire – Michael Martin Murphy
Justified Black Eye – Tony Sly / No Use For A Name
Jackson – Craig Finn
One for the Cutters – The Hold Steady
Allysa Lies – Jason Michael Carroll
Little Bonnie – Drive By Truckers
Streets of Baltimore – Bobby Bare
Unfortunately, Anna – Justin Townes Earle
The Murder of Liddle Towers – Angelic Upstarts
Artificial Flowers – Bobby Darin
Aubrey – Bread
Cat’s in the Cradle – Harry Chapin
Coat of Many Colors – Dolly Parton
Patches – Clarence Carter
Daddy’s Cup – Drive By Truckers
Dirt Gets Under the Fingernails – Harry Chapin
The Dollar – Jamey Johnson
Don’t Blink – Kenny Chesney
Donald & Lydia – John Prine
Down from Dover – Dolly Parton
Unwed Fathers – John Prine (Deer Tick does great cover)
The Dutchman – Jerry Jeff Walker
Fred Jones Pt. 2 – Ben Folds
Kylie from Connecticut – Ben Folds
The Guitar Song – Jamey Johnson
Highway 29 – Bruce Springsteen
Highway Patrolman – Bruce Springsteen
The Hitter – Bruce Springsteen
Sinaloa Cowboys – Bruce Springsteen
Honey – Bobby Goldsboro
I’m Not Lisa – Tanya Tucker
Leader of the Band – Dan Fogelberg
MacArthur Park – Donna Summer
Matthew – John Denver
Pulaski – Drive By Truckers
She Believes In Me – Kenny Rogers
Taxi – Harry Chapin
There Goes My Life – Kenny Chesney
Uncle Frank – Drive By Truckers
Tom Dooley – Kingston Trio
Walk a Little Straighter – Billy Currington
Willie Moore – Greg Graffin

SAD SONG SUBSET: SOLDIER SONGS
Just a Dream – Carrie Underwood
American Soldier – Toby Keith
Arlington – Chris Ward
Ballad of the Thresher – Kingston Trio
Come Home Soon – SHeDAISY
Brothers – Dean Brody
God, Family, and Country – Craig Morgan
Hero – Keni Thomas
I Just Came Back from a War – Darryl Worley
If I Don’t Make It Back – Tracy Lawrence
If Something Should Happen – Darryl Worley
Katie & John – Chandler
Letter to the Front – Sheri Jo Porter
Letters from Home – John Michael Montgomery
Like A Soldier – Johnny Cash
The Other Little Soldier – Josh Gracin
P.T. 109 – Jimmy Dean
A Picture of My Pa Before He Died in Vietnam – Greg Koons
POW 369 – Darryl Worley
Riding with Private Malone – Thom Shepherd
Reuben James – Kingston Trio
Roddy McClory – Kingston Trio
Thank You (Tribute to the American Soldier) – Daniel Smith
Travelin Soldier – Dixie Chicks
1916 Uprising – The Bleeding Irish
8th of November – Big & Rich

YOUR NEW FAVORITE SONG
I have the best musical taste in the world so, in no particular order… [many songs are new, but some are just new to me]

Here are my new picks for Jan. & Feb.

Feb. 2013
1. Andrew Bird “Lusitania”
2. Leonard Cohen “The Partisan”
3. Blitzen Trapper “Taking It Easy Too Long”
4. Roky Erikson “Bring Back the Past”
5. Miranda Lambert “Mama’s Broken Heart”

Jan. 2013
1. K’naan “Better”
2. The Belle Brigade “Fasten You to Me”
3. Plants and Animals “The End of That”
4. First Aid Kit “The Lion’ Roar”
5. Family of the Year “Feel Good Track of Rosemead”

BEST ALBUM OF 2012 THAT I HEARD IN 2013
Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit “Here We Rest”

BEST ALBUM FOR A SUNDAY MORNING
Yo La Tengo “Fade”

AWESOME MUSICAL OBSERVATION
Brad Paisley’s song “Southern Comfort Zone” sounds just like The Clash’s “Lost in the Supermarket

BEST NEW COMEDY ALBUM BY MATT BESSER
“The 6 Most Important Sets in the History of Standup”

BEST SONG LIVE IN CONCERT
1. Morrissey performing “How Soon Is Now”
2. Neil Young and the Crazy Horse “Walk Like A Giant”
3. you tell me

What happened to the days when people would buy the full album? You know, buy a CD or a record that you could hold in you hands. Buy (don’t steal) these full albums. It’s worth it!

TOP TEN ALBUMS of 2012
(in no particular order)
1. John K Samson “Provincial”
2. Craig Finn “Clear Heart, Full Eyes”
3. The Mountain Goats “Transcendental Youth”
4. Cat Power “Sun”
5. Kathleen Edwards “Voyageur”
6. The Gaslight Anthem “Handwritten”
7. Of Monsters and Men “My Head Is An Animal”
8. Aimee Mann “Charmer”
9. Hallelujah the Hills “No One Knows What Happened Next”
10. Ben Nichols “The Last Pale Light In The West”

SONG OF THE YEAR
John K Samson “www.ipetitions.com/petition/rivertonrifle/

BEST BANDCAMP RECORDING ARTIST
Bobby Matthews

BEST SOUNDCLOUD RECORDING ARTIST
Dragoon

BEST MUSICAL SOUNDTRACK
Freak Dance
*fuck you, I can too

TOP 10 TV Dramas OF 2012
(in no particular order)
1. Game of Thrones
2. Breaking Bad
3. Arrow
4. Supernatural
5. American Horror Story
6. Boardwalk Empire
7. Fringe
8. Revolution
9. Person of Interest
10. The Walking Dead

Honorable Mention: Falling Skies, Once Upon A Time

Best New Sitcom: The Neighbors

YOUR NEW FAVORITE SONG

I have the best musical taste in the world so, in no particular order… [many songs are new, but some are just new to me]

BEST SONG TO BRING IN THE NEW YEAR?
Is it Pitbull “Don’t Stop the Party” ?

Here are my new picks for Sept., Oct., Nov., and Dec.

December
1. Aimee Mann “Crazy Town”
2. Aimee Mann “Labrador”
3. Generationals “Ten Twenty Ten”
4. Cat Power “3, 6, 9″
5. Titus Andronicus “In A Big City”

November
1. FIDLAR “No Waves”
2. Lord Huron “Time to Run”
3. The Big Cats “Kings of Brief”
4. The Avett Brothers “Life”
5. Bishop Allen “rain”

October
1. K’Naan “Take a Minute”
2. Ben Folds Five “Draw A Crowd”
3. The Mountain Goats “Harlem Roulette”
4. The Killers “Flesh & Bone”
5. Of Monsters and Men “Love Love Love”

September
1. Bob Mould “Keep Believing”
2. The Gaslight Anthem “Mullholland Drive”
3. Cloud Nothings “Stay Useless”
4. Desaparecidos “The Happiest Place On Earth”
5. Zac Brown Band “Natural Disaster”

August
1. K’naan “In the Beginning”
2. The Heligoats “Fish Sticks”
3. Langhorne Slim “The Way We Move”
4. Dave Hause “C’mon Kid”
5. Dan Andriano “Me & Denver”

July
1. Japandroids “Fire’s Highway”
2. Blind Pilot “Half Moon”
3. Cory Branan “Tall Green Grass”
4. Ben Nichols “Take Shelter”
5. The Avett Brothers “Weight of Lies”

Bonnaroo review
Bonnaroo is the best music festival I have ever attended in regards to the quality of music appealing to my tastes. There was never a moment where one of my favorite bands wasn’t on stage. Weather was great and the crowds were much cooler than most huge festival crowds.
BONNAROO bands that I saw.
(in order of appearance)
FRI
Avett Brothers – These fuckers can harmonize their asses off. I didn’t know that they had so many rocking songs in their repitoire.
Dawes – May have put on the best show that I saw. I have to see more of this band in LA.
Radio Head -Great show but I hate the new songs with the jazzy electronica and Yorke singing through voice effects. Why does one of the best rock singers of all time sing through something that makes him sound like a robot?

Sat.
Bad Brains – the only disappointing performance. HR was dressed in white suit, pink tie, white cowboy hat, blonde wig. The costume was funny, but his singing was lame. He whispered every song.
Blind Pilot – The most surprising performance. I didn’t know this band had so much range. I’m definitely getting more into this band.
Punch Brothers – Great, they take bluegrass to another level.
Childish Gambino – Wow, I’ve never seen Donald like this. Very impressive that he can excel at so many different types of entertainment.
Danzig / Misfits Tribute – I only saw half of this because I had to get to my movie. Danzig is a hilarious character.

FREAK DANCE - Thanks to everyone who came out! At least one guy was tripping his balls off. That’s what I was watching.

Sun.

BEST OF UCBcomedy I had the most fun doing this show because I was more interactive with the audience. I could see doing this show on a regular basis.

Kathleen Edwards – I’m so excited I got a chance to see her. Buy her stuff right now. She is blowing up fast. It was also a special treat to meet her whole band in a van ride to the venue. I met Jim Bryson, whose CD I had just bought. If you’re a fan of the Weakerthans then you’ll love Jim too. Get his CD “The Falcon Lake Incident”

Kenny Rogers Thank you Kenny Rogers for still performing at your age. What a pro. Every festival act should follow his lead and PLAY YOUR HITS. Lionel Ritchie came out for duet on “Lady” and then sang “All Night Long”. Memories of singing Kenny Rogers songs with my mom brought a few tears to my eyes.

Phish Later Kenny came out with Phish and sang the Gambler. How special to witness that.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

YOUR NEW FAVORITE SONG

I have the best musical taste in the world so, in no particular order… [many songs are new, but some are just new to me]

June 2012
1. Jim Bryson & the Weakerthans “Constellation”
2. Ben Lee “Indian Myna”
3. Streetlight Manifesto “What A Wicked Gang Are We Below”
4. Delux “Entre la Guerra y el Amor”
5. Major Lazer “Keep It Goin’ Louder” (feat. Nina Sky and Ricky Blaze)

May 2012
1. Hallelujah the Hills “Get Me In A Room”
2. Joshua James “Annabelle”
3. Damien Jurado “Ohio”
4. Lambchop “Gone Tomorrow”
5. The Pinebox Boys “Will You Remember Me”

April 2012
1. Dispatch “General”
2. The Menzingers “Good Things”
3. Joshua James “Crash This Train”
4. Ben Howard “Old Pine”
5. Lucero “When I Was Young”

Mar. 2012
1. Frank Turner “If I Ever Stray”
2. Jawbreaker “Sluttering (May 4th)”
3. Bobby Matthews “Can I Ask You A Question?”
4. Craig Finn “Jackson”
5. John K Samson “When I Write My Master’s Thesis”

Feb. 2012
1. John K Samson “www.iwww.ipetitions.com/petition/rivertonrifle/”
2. Craig Finn “Balcony”
3. Chuck Ragan “Meet You In the Middle”
4. Kathleen Edwards “Pink Champagne”
5. Dawes “So Well”

Jan. 2012
1. Yellow Ostrich “WHALE”
2. Emmy the Great “Paper Forest”
3. Of Monsters And Men “Little Talks”
4. Los Campesinos “By Your Hand”
5. Release the Bird “Outlook’s Anonymous”

LIVE SHOW – WINTER ’02
John K Samson at Troubadour

10 BEST NOT FAMOUS SONGS BY FAMOUS SINGERS
1. Colin Hay “Waiting for My Real Life to Begin”
2. James Taylor “You Can Close Your Eyes”
3. Neil Young “One of These Days”
4. Rod Stewart “Handbags & Gladrags”
5. Jonathan Richman “City vs. Country”
6. Jerry Jeff Walker “Morning Song to Sally”
7. John Denver “Shanghai Breezes”
8. Aimee Mann “It’s Not”
9. Paul Westerberg “Even Here We Are”
10. Suzanne Vega “The Soldier & the Queen”

*no particular order

———————————————————————————–
I have the best musical taste in the world so, in no particular order…

BEST SONGS 2011
1. Azealia Banks “212″
2. Beirut “Santa Fe”
3. David Bazan “People”
4. James Vincent Mcmorrow “We Don’t Eat”
5. The Mountain Goats “Damn These Vampires”

BEST ALBUM OF 2011
David Bazan “Strange Negotiations”

SONG OF THE SUMMER
Mountain Goats “Damn These Vampires”

BEST SONG FOR WALK FORWARD DEFIANTLY
Azealia Banks “212″

Dec. 2011
1. The Joy Formidable “Whirring”
2. Aealia Banks “212″
3. Manchester Orchestra “Virgin”
4. Gillian Welch “Hard Times”
5. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah “Same Mistake”

Nov. 2011
1. The Gaslight Anthem “Boxer”
2. Sigur Ros “Vid Spilum Endalaust”
3. Banner Pilot “Sunbelt Scars”
4. Coldplay “Paradise”
5. Beruit “Santa Fe”

Oct 2011
1. The Gaslight Anthem “The Navesink Bank”
2. The Gabe Dixon Band “All Will Be Well”
3. Vanessa Carlton “Carousel”
4. David Bazan “People”
5. The Horrible Crowes “Cherry Blossoms”

Sept. 2011
1. David Bazan “Strange Negotiations”
2. Plain White T’s “Body Parts”
3. Broadway Calls “Back to Oregon”
4. Stepen Merritt “Forever and a Day”
5. Radical Face “Ghost Towns”

August 2011
1. James Vincent Mcmorrow “We Don’t Eat”
2. Yuck “Get Away”
3. Waka Flocka Flame “No Hands”
4. Grouplove “Colours”
5. Bobby Matthews “Night of the Loving Dead”

July 2011

1. Cassettes Won’t Listen “Perfect Day”

2. Mountain Goats “High Hawk Season”

3. Mountain Goats “Damn These Vampires”

June 2011

1. Boat “Classically Trained”

2. Sufjan Stevens “For the Windows in Paradise, for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti”

3. TV On the Radio “Will Do”

4. The Get Up Kids “Regent’s Court”

5. Old 97′s “Champaign, Illinois”

May 2011

1. Bright Eyes “Shell Games”

2. The Extra Glenns “The River Song”

3. Robbie Fulks “Where There’s A Road”

4. The Naked & Famous “Girls Like You”

5. Les Savy Fav “Let’s Get Out of Here”

Acting Class Elimination UCBcomedy.com
Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

 

 

 

I have the best musical taste in the world so…

Best Songs of the Month

(In no particular order [many songs are new, but some are just new to me])

April 2011

1. One Trick Pony “Andrew Jackson”

2. The Discount Heroes “Walk Away”

Mar. 2011

1. Bright Eyes “Ladder Song”

2. The Naked & the Famous “Young Blood”

3. Social Distortion “Far Side of Nowhere”

4. Superchunk “My Gap Feels Weird”

5. Wisin & Yandel “Zun Zun Rompiendo Caderas”

Feb. 2011

1. A House for Lions “Let Back”

2. Kieran Kane “I Can’t Wait”

3. Jessica Lea Mayfield “Blue Skies Again”

4. The Civil Wars “Barton Hollow”

5. Doc Dailey & Magnolia Devil “Let Me Down”

Jan. 2011

1. The Black Keys “Tighten Up”

2. Brandon Flowers “Hard Enough”

3. The Thermals “Never Listen To Me”

4. Les Savy Fav “Sleepless in Silverlake”

5. The Corin Tucker Band – “1,000 Years”

Dec. 2010

1. Jeffery Lewis & the Junkyard   – Roll Bus Roll

2. Zac Brown Band “I Play the Road”

3.  Bad Religion  – “Wrong Way Kids”

 

 

December 27th, 2010
In no particular order here are the top 15 albums of the year. It makes me sad that people don’t buy full albums anymore. I think these albums are more than worthy of your purchase. If I’ve left out a good one please tell me on my twitter
@MattBesser or on my facebook.

1. Ryan Bingham & the Dead Horses “Junky Star”
2. Titus Andronicus “The Monitor”
3. Zac Brown Band “You Get What You Give”
4. Local Natives “Gorilla Manor”
5. Mumford & Sons “Sigh No More”
6. Drive By Truckers “The Big To Do”
7. Dragoon “The Offending Party”
8. The Gaslight Anthem “American Slang”
9. Sleigh Bells “Treats”
10. The Avett Brothers “I and Love and You”
11. The Mountain Goats “The Life of the World to Come”
12. The Hold Steady “Heaven Is Whenever”
13. Les Savy Fav “Root for Ruin”
14. The Thermals “Personal Life”
15. Danger Mouse & Sparklehorse “Dark Night of the Soul”

 

December 27th, 2010
Go Hogs in the Sugar Bowl!

November 10th, 2010
I have the best musical taste in the world so…

Best Songs of the Month
(many songs are new, but some are just new to me)

October
1. Big B “Before I Leave This Place”
2. The Professionals “1,2,3″
3. Local Natives “Sun Hands”
4. Leon Russell “Tight Rope”
5. Arcade Fire “Ready to Start”

September
1. The Gregory Brothers “Double Rainbow Song”
2. John K Samson “Heart of the Continent”
3. Ryan Bingham “The Wandering”
4. Open Mike Eagle “I Rock”
5. Hallelujah the Hills “Nurses 5 Float Past”

August
1. Sea Wolf “O Maria”
2. Brandon Flowers “Crossfire”
3. The Discount Heroes “Homecoming”
4. No! Go! Tell! “I Cut My Wrist!”
5. Have Gun Will Travel “Sons and Daughters of the Gilded Age”

July
1. Sleigh Bells “A/B Machines”
2. Franklin for Short “Come With Me”
3. Punch Brothers “This Is The Song”
4. Richmond Fontaine “You Can Move Back Here”
5. Mountain Man “How’m I Doin’”

June
1. Dragoon “If You Say So”
2. The Gaslight Anthem “We Did It When We Were Young”
3. Passion Pit “Let Your Love Grow”
4. American Idiot the musical “Whatsername”
5. Tea Leaf Green “The Garden (pt. 3)”

August 11th, 2010
SPORTS PREDICTIONS 2010-2011

Arkansas Razorbacks Football team – National Champs

Heisman trophy – Ryan Mallet

Jets – Super Bowl champs

Nets – will make playoffs

 

June 2nd, 2010
I have the best musical taste in the world so…

Best Songs of the Month
(many songs are new, but some are just new to me)

February
1. Marah “Walt Whitman Bridge”
2. The Avett Brothers “The Ballad of Love & Hate”
3. Jon Snodgrass “Thru The Fan”
4. The Low Anthem “To Ohio”
5. Sundowner “My Boatless Booze Cruise”

March
1. Drive-By Truckers “Perfect Timing”
2. David Bazan “Harmless Sparks”
3. Built to Spill “Life’s A Dream”
4. The Band Perry “If I Die Young”
5. Justin Townes Earle “Someday I’ll Be Forgiven For This”

April
1. The Mountain Goats “1 John 4:16″
2. Eels “A Line in the Dirt”
3. Richard Fountaine “Maybe We Were Both Born Blue”
4. Slobberbone “Dark As A Dungeon”
5. Greg Gaffin “Don’t be Afraid to Run”

May
1. The Hold Steady “The Weekenders”
2. The Gaslight Anthem “1930″
3. The Weakerthans “Night Windows (live)”
4. One Trick Pony “Loose Talk”
5. Kottonmouth Kings “Lucky Day”

Tweet me if I missed anything…but how could I? I have the best musical taste in the universe.
Matt Besser on Twitter

 

February 24th, 2010
You can get Wild Girls Gone on iTunes now! Just word search Upright Citizens Brigade. If you like it please give us a good review. If you don’t like it, also please give us a good review.

February 1st, 2010
I have the best musical taste in the world so…

Best Songs of the Month
(many songs are new, but some are just new to me)

January
1. NOFX – Straight Out of Massachusetts
2. The Mountain Goats – Genesis 30:3
3. Modest Mouse – The Whale Song
4. Vic Chesnutt – Phil the Fiddler
5. Hallelujah the Hills – Blank Passports

BEST NEW TV SHOW: Caprica – I think might end up liking it more than BSG. Support this show if you like near future sci-fi.

December 16th, 2009
WORLD COMEDY CHAMPION

These are records that I have set or broken in my defense of the World Comedy Champion title.

Most Jokes Told In 1 Minute – 14

Most Characters In 5 Minutes – 17

Fastest Joke – 2.5 seconds

World’s Loudest Joke – 141 decibels

World’s Tallest Joke – 16.4 feet

World’s Oldest Joke – caveman fart joke

Most Michael Vick Jokes – 20

Most Lumberjack Jokes – 17

Most Pothead Jokes – 14

If you have any suggestions for other records then please twitter me.

Matt Besser twitter

*I prefer records that can be measured, so they need to be objective not subjective. World’s Funniest Joke is subjective. World’s Longest Joke is objective.

Pothead Jokes

Why did the pothead cross the road? Cops.

Why do potheads like Jesus? He got stoned.

How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, we’re trying to keep it mellow in here.

What’s pothead’s favorite element? Potassium

Who is the pothead’s favorite Confederate general? Stonedwall Jackson

What’s the pothead’s favorite level of education? High school

What do potheads and arthritis have in common? They both flame up joints.

What do the two potheads and the contortionist have in common? They’re double jointed.

Who is the Potheads’ favorite astronaut? Buzz Aldrin

What do potheads and potatoes have in common? They both start with pot, and end up getting baked.

What’s a pothead’s favorite food? Chicken pot pie; pot stickers; stew (that’s cooked in a pot)

What do you call a pothead basketball team? High five

What did the Pothead say to Humphrey Bogart when he was hogging all the weed? Don’t be you that joint.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Pothead. Pothead who? What-who me?

LUMBERJACK JOKES

What is the patriotic misogynist lumberjack’s favorite tree? He loves his cunt-tree.

What’s the lumberjacks’ favorite cult? Branch Davidians

How did the African American lumber jack deliver his question? He just axed it.

What comedians do lumberjacks like the most? All the hacks.

What’s the lumberjack’s favorite tv show? One Tree Hill

What did the Sir Mix A Lot lumberjack use to write with? A big aspen.

Why did the lumberjack break up with his girlfriend? She was acting like a beech.

What do lumberjacks call literate trees? Well redwoods

How did the entrepreneurial lumberjack try to expand his business? He branched out.

What do you call a group of lumberjack terrorists? A splinter splinter cell.

What superstitious emails do lumberjacks send? Chainsaw letters.

What foot disease do lumberjacks get? Paul bunions

What is the Jamaican lumberjack’s favorite tree? Dreadwood

What is the most popular lumberjack Broadway musical? STUMP

How did the lumberjack get splinters on his tongue? Eating out pussy willow.

What part of Matt Besser’s show did the lumberjack like the most? He liked everything he saw.

What’s the lumberjacks’ favorite band? Styx or Screaming Trees, they hate Bush.

BEST LUMBERJACK FILMS 2009: The Lumberjack’s Wife; Taking Wood; Harry Cutter & the Hacksaw Prince; Star Tree; Underbrush: Rise of the Wisteria; Magnolias vs. Alders; Confessions of a Shadbush; I Love You, Beth Cottonwood; Taking of Pelham 1 2 Tree; Funny Poplars; Saw VI

MICHAEL VICK JOKES

Who let the dogs out? Not Michael Vick, he killed them instead.

What’s the difference between Michael Vick and Hurricane Katrina? Hurricane Katrina drowned dogs accidentally.

With Michael Vick on the Eagles they will no longer look dogged on offense. Because Vick will kill all the doggeds.

What’s the difference between Chicago and pitbulls? Michael Vick’s never beaten Chicago.

What are Michael Vick’s favorite kind of shoes? Snuff puppies

Nike’s new slogan with Michael Vick: “Just Dog It”

What does Michael Vick call 500 dead pitbulls buried in his backyard? A good start!

At Michael Vick’s kennel, what did the drowned pitbull say to the hanged pitbull? This place is ruff.

What’s black and white and red all over? One of Michael Vick’s black and white pitbulls after a fight.

How many Michael Vick’s does it take to screw a pitbull into a light bulb socket? One.

What do a bad QB and Vick’s pitbulls’ teeth have in common? They both got pulled after a loss.

What do the Atlanta Falcons and pitbulls have in common? Michael Vick left both of them hanging.

Why does Michael Vick the lumberjack love to cut dogwood trees? He hates its bark.

Why did the dog cross the road? Because Michael Vick was pulling him by a chain tied to a pickup’s axle.

What’s the difference between Michael Vick and a mountain lion? The mountain lion only kills dogs for food.

Michael Vick will do great in the Eagles’ wild cat offense, coming fresh off his tortured dog offense.

Old Sayings by Michael Vick:

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can pull out all its teeth and torture it.

Let sleeping dogs lie, and then bury them alive if they lose their fight.

If you lay down with dog, you wake up with fleas, and Michael Vick might accidentally club you during the night.

It’s raining cats and dogs…or that’s Michael Vick’s apartment up there.

**Don’t think that I don’t like Vick because I wrote all these jokes. I’d sure hate it if I made one mistake, by killing and torturing hundreds of dogs over six years, and nobody gave me a second chance.

====================================================================

 

November 28th, 2009
I have the best musical taste in the world so…

Best Songs of the Month
(many songs are new, but some are just new to me)

September
1. Ryan Bingham “Country Roads”
2. Zac Brown Band “Whatever It Is”
3. Billy Bragg “Distant Shore”
4. Final Fantasy “This Lamb Sells Condos”
5. Ivan Ives “You”

October
1. Colin Hay “Oh California”
2. Dolly Parton “We Used To”
3. Billy Talent “Saint Veronika”
4. Robert Francis “Junebug”
5. Kottonmouth Kings “Got It Get It”

November
1. Rumbleseat “Restless”
2. Chuck Ragan “Pretty Good Year”
3. Frightened Rabbit “The Modern Leper”
4. Sundowner “This War Is Noise”
5. Marching Band “Travel In Time”

December
1. Spinnerette “Baptized By Fire”
2. Sleigh Bells “Crown On the Ground”
3. moe. “New York City”
4. Drag the River “Death of the Life of the Party”
5. New Boyz “Tie Me Down

album of the winter
The Mountain Goats “The Life of the World to Come”
my review

Mountain Goat review at We Rate Stuff

 

October 11th, 2009
Ultimate Comedy Bash
10-10-09

World’s Tallest Joke

I am the World Comedy Champion

CURRENT RECORDS HELD:

World’s Loudest Joke
World’s Oldest Joke
World’s Tallest Joke
Most Jokes Told In 1 Minute
Most Characters In 5 Minutes
Fastest Joke – 2.5 seconds

 

September 3rd, 2009
College Football predictions 2009

- Hogs will win as many games as Ole Miss, Alabama, and USC Trojans.

NFL Football predictions 2009-2010

- Jets will make playoffs

NBA predictions 2009-2010

- Nets will make playoffs

August 23rd, 2009
I have the best musical taste in the world so…

Best Songs of the Month
(many songs are new, but some are just new to me)

January
1. Liam Finn “Second Chance”
2. The Big Cats “She’s Got Skills”
3. Bruce Springsteen “The Wrestler”
4. Abigail Washburn “Fuller Wine”
5. Hydroponic Sound System “50K”

February
1. Joe Strummer “Minstrel Boy”
2. Il Libretina “Sylvia”
3. Company of Thieves “Pressure”
4. Parts & Labor “Nowheres Nigh”
5. John Frusciante “Unreachable”

March
1. Feist & Gibbard “Train Song”
2. Rivers Cuomo “My Day Is Coming”
3. Bon Iver “Blood Bank”
4. Kyle Bennett Band “What’s It Like”
5. The Hold Steady “Atlantic City”

April
1. The White Buffalo “Love Song #1
2. Justin Townes Earle “Mama’s Eyes”
3. Patterson Hood “Miss Me Gone”
4. Drag the River “Me and Joe Drove Out to California”
5. Iron & Wine “Upward Over the Mountain”

May
1. The Bran Flakes “Stumble Out of Bed”
2. Barcelona “Come Back When You Can”
3. Colin Hay “Waiting for My Real Life to Begin”
4. Hockey “Too Fake”
5. Bill Callahan “Sycamore”

June
1. Queen Latifa “Cue the Rain”
2. Great Northern “Snakes”
3. Metric “Help, I’m Alive”
4. Crash Kings “Mountain Men”
5. Jim Hanft “Caffeine”
6. Patrick Watson “Big Bird in a Small Cage”
7. John Paul “Card”

July
1. The Mountain Goats “Sax Rohmer #1″
2. The Mae Shi “RU Professional”
3. Stan Ridgeway “Knife and Fork”
4. Arcwelder “I Gave This Up For You”
5. Meg & Dia “Monster”

August
1. NOFX “My Orphan Year”
2. Billy Joe Shaver “Live Forever”
3. Regina Spektor “Eet”
4. The Mae Shi “Melody”
5. The Gossip “Heavy Cross”
6. Ministry of Magic “Snape vs. Snape”
7. The Gaslight Anthem “Old White Lincoln”

CD of the summer:
Hallelujah the Hills “Colonial Drones”

 

May 2nd, 2009
The final Freak Dance (on stage in LA)!

 

 

 

Exciting plans for Freak Dance on the horizon…

May 2nd, 2009


Freak Dance is over!
Studio recording of the soundtrack available for sale

Freak Dance soundtrack for sale at UCB store online

May 12 – Comedy Death Ray

May 23 – UC of San Diego

July 23-26 – Del Close Marathon in NYC

most Sat. and Sun. I’m dong Asssscat at UCB Theater in LA

and get on my Facebook fan page

Matt Besser Facebook fan page

 

December 6th, 2008
BEST OF THE YEAR – 2008

BEST COMEDY ON TV
Moral Orel – this last season is the darkest comedy that I have ever seen on tv. The season works as a whole but a few episodes are classics. Hopefully they’ll put out a dvd because this show is canceled.

BEST MUSIC
- Hold Steady “Stay Positive”
- The Killers
- Trust “Demo” re-release of great punk band
- Boston Spaceships “Brown Submarine”
- Dragoon – check out their myspace
- Bonnie Prince Billie “Lie Down in the Light”
- No Use For A Name “The Feel Good Record of the Year”
- Hallelujah the Hills “Prepare to Qualify”

BEST SONGS
The Mae Shi “Run to Your Grave”
Epik High “Paris”
David Bazan “How I Remember”

BEST MUSIC THAT I’M LATE ON
- The Big Cats
- The Mountain Goats “Tallahassee” is one of my favorite complete records ever!
- Pedro the Lion
- Il Libretina
- Japanther

BEST TV DRAMA
- Sarah Conner Chronicles: Terminator
- Battle Star Gallactica
- Prison Break
- Smallville
- 4400 (RIP)
- Eureka
- Supernatural

BEST GAME
Miracle of Markham II – Casey Dick redeems himself.

BEST JETS MOVE
Farve

BEST NETS MOVE
Thorn can do no wrong but Harris is awesom. B-Lo close #2.

BEST NEW BASKETBALL HOG
I like Jason Henry but they are all encouraging. Clark needs to keep the Jesus stuff to himself and I’ll like him.

BEST FOOTBALL HOG
Michael Smith – the next great hog running back.

 

September 24th, 2008

 

 

 

August 15th, 2008
Fat Guy Stuck in the Internet
I was lucky enough to play the villain in the latest Fat Guy on Adult Swim. It’s a parody of that David Bowie movie “Labyrinth”.

Fat Guy Stuck in the Internet

MATT BESSER TO PERFORM TEN-WEEK RESIDENCY AT COMEDY DEATH-RAY

Comedy Death-Ray, Los Angeles’s premier comedy show, is proud to announce that Upright Citizens Brigade founding member and the pride of Arkansas Matt Besser will be recording sets over the next few months, exclusively at CDR’s Tuesday night program, and will be releasing them the very same week on UCBcomedy.com.

Fans have delighted to Mr. Besser’s antics over the six-year history of CDR, with recent exploits including “Skittles 4 Wittels,” “The Upstager,” and “The Guy Fixing The Air-Conditioner.” Audiences have oft wondered what a concentrated dose of Mr. Besser would offer. At last the wondering must cease.

“Comedy Death-Ray is the Olympics of the alternative comedy world,” Mr. Besser replied when asked for comment. “It was a dream come true when my residency was accepted. For the last three years I have trained at CDR to be able to meet the challenge of the comedic decathalon I will perform these bits with all my heart, not just for the comedy nerds in the CDR audience, but also for the comedy nerds in the middle of America. I do these ten sets for you.”

Mr. Besser will appear at the popular comedy spot ten separate Tuesdays through October. In these ten weeks, Mr. Besser will attempt all ten disciplines of comedy in an effort to reach “the perfect ten:”

1. Topical
2. Blue
3. Satire
4. Parody
5. Multiple characters – no costumes, no props; voice only
6. Musical
7. Impression
8. Physical
9. Stand-up – one word suggestions given the week before over internet and stage
10. Improvised – crowd work, taking suggestions

“I’m neither deluded nor vain enough to consider myself the Michael Phelps of comedy,” Mr. Besser continued. “I am more like the Kerri Strug. I just want one gold night and I will give everything to get it. Even if I bomb the first nine Tuesdays, I will limp to the stage, maybe only standing on one tired old bit, but I will perform that bit with all my heart.”

The excitement starts this Tuesday, 19 August 2008, as Mr. Besser shares the bill with fan-favorite Todd Glass and Saturday Night Live’s Casey Wilson, launching his ten-night-stand with a surprise bit guaranteed to both amuse and shock the audience into convulsions of laughter.

“This is for all the comedy nerds in all the towns across this great land of ours – like Topeka, Harrisburg, Dover, Little Rock, and a few more that I can’t remember now,” Mr. Besser beamed. “God bless the Comedy Death-Ray for giving me the opportunity to achieve my dream.”

THE BACK ROOM – Three Way!
This is the sexiest episode of the Back Room. Digg it if you dig it! Spread it, if it turns you on!

Subscribe if you like it.
Subscribe to Back Room

Asssscat on DVD!
UCB store online

 

June 25th, 2008
BEST SONGS FOR WEDDING

PRE-CEREMONY music
Belle & Sebastion
Yo La Tengo
Phish
REM
Ben Lee

COCKTAIL HOUR
Metallica – “Enter Sandman”
BOC – “Don’t Fear the Reaper”
The Kinks – “Destroyer”
Joan Jett – “Dime in the Juke Box”
Led Zeppelin – “Rock and Roll”
The Gossip – “Arkansas Heat”
The Darkness – “Thing Called Love”
Frank Black “Calistan”
Neutral Milk Hotel “Holland 1945”
Elvis Costello “Veronica”
Trusty “Mad Religion”
Jerry Jeff Walker – “LA Freeway”
Replacements – “Unsatisfied”
The Damned “Love Song”
The Stranglers “Peaches”
Rolling Stones “Street Fighting Man”
AC/DC “Dirty Deeds”
Social Distortion “Story of My Life”

Invitation to dinner
REO Speedwagon “Ridin the Storm Out”

Grand Entrance song
Les Miserables “Can You Hear The People Sing?”
- start it at :46 seconds

DINNER music
Neil Young “One of These Days”
Beatles – “If I Fell”
The Weakerthans “Left & Leaving”
The Clash “Train in Vain”
Arcade Fire “Rebellion”
Modest Mouse “Florida”
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah “Heavy Metal”
The Mountain Goats – “This Year”
The Weakerthans – “Watermark”
Ani DiFranco – “Buildings & Bridges”
Steve Earle – “Someday”
Phish – “Bouncing Around the Room”
Amy Miles – “Kill to Know”
Ben Lee “Cigarettes Will Kill You”
Built to Spill “Fly Around My Pretty Little Miss”
Pavement – “Shoot the Singer”
Yo La Tengo – “Our Way to Fall”
The Hold Steady – “Chip Ahoy!”
David Bowie – “Suffragette City”
Blues Traveler “Run Around”
Europe – “The Final Countdown”
Laura Pausini- “Due”

DANCE SONGS
Missy Elliot – “Lose Control”
The Go Team! – “Huddle Formation”
“Hips Don’t Lie” (Wylcef) – Shakira
“Crazy Thing Called Love” – Queen
Joe Budden “Pump It Up”
Pete Rock and CL Smooth “The Creator”
“Ooh Wee” Mark Ronson and Ghostface
Rihanna – Don’t Stop The Music
Kanye West – “Gold Digger”
Flo Rida – “Low”
“Body Movin’ (Fatboy Slim Remix)” – Beastie Boys
Lil Mama – “Lip Gloss”
“Keep It Real” – Faith Evans & the Lost Boyz
DMX – “Party Up”
Lil Flip, DMX, Young Buck – “Tear It Up”
Madonna- “Crazy For you”
Lady Sovereign – “Random”
N.E.R.D. – “Lapdance”
Outkast – “Bombs Over Bagdad”
Le Tigre – “Deceptacon”
Avril Lavigne & Lil Mama “Girlfriend”
Mystikal – “Shake Ya Ass”
Public Enemy – “Lost At Birth”
Ludicris – “Stand Up”
Beastie Boys – “Shake Your Rump”
“Jump Around” – House of Pain
Dee-lite “Groove is in the heart”
Pitbull “The Anthem”
Rhianna (Jay Z) – “Umbrella”
Bobby Farrell from Boney M – “Ma Baker”
Ying Yang Twins “Salt Shaker”
Daddy Yankee – “Impacto”
Dan Balan “Ma Ya Hi”
Pat Benatar-“Hit me with you best shot”
Janet Jackson “All For You”
Wu Tang Clan – “Wu Tang Aint Nuthin To Fuck With”
Public Enemy – “Burn Hollywood Burn”
The Go Go’s – “We Got the Beat”
CSS “Alala”
Peaches – “Boys Want to Be Her”
Midnight Star – “No Parking On the Dance Floor”
Justice “B.E.A.T.”
MIA – “URAQT”
Queen – “Keep Yourself Alive”
Lil John “Stick That Thing Out”
Outkast “Hey Ya!”
Kanye West – “Stronger”
Petey Pablo – “Show me the money”
Sean Paul “We Be Burnin”
”Sweet Child of Mine” – GnR
The Chemical Brothers – “Block Rockin Beats”
The Police “Everything She Does Is Magic”
Abba – “Dancing Queen”
Dancing with Myself – Billy Idol
Men without Hats – “Safety Dance”
Missy Elliot “Can’t Stop”
B52s – “Planet Claire”
Kelis – “Milkshake”
The Cure – “Boys Don’t Cry”
“Venus” – Bananarama
Beatles – “Help”
“I Wish” – Stevie Wonder
Nirvana- Smells like teen spirit
Dead or Alive “You Spin Me Around”
Anita Ward “Ring My Bell”
Ozzy Osbourne “Crazy Train”
Beyonce & Jay Z – “Crazy In Love”
Gap Band – “You Drop the Bomb On Me”
RUN DMC – “It’s Like That”
Run DMC – “Tricky”
Tom Tom Club – “Genius of Love”
Michael Jackson – “Billie Jean”
“It’s Raining Men” – The Weather Girls
“C’mon Everybody” – Elvis Presley
Yaz “Don’t Go”
Van Halen “Panama”
Aha “Take On Me”
Bruce Springsteen “Hungry Heart”
Grease – “You’re The One That I Want
KISS – “Detroit Rock City”
Kenny Loggins “Footloose”
Duran Duran “Her Name is Rio”
The Cure – “Just Like Heaven”
Blondie – “Heart of Glass”
Sex Pistols – “Anarchy in the UK”
Ramones – “I want to be sedated”
Beatles – “All My Loving”
Motorhead “Ace of Spades”
DMX – “We Bout to Blow”
Adam & the Ants “Stand & Deliver”
Christina Aguilera (Redman) – “Dirrty”
Soulja Boy Tell`em – “Crank That (Soulja Boy)”
“Everytime We Touch” – Cascada
Clipse “Grindin’”
Kottonmouth Kings “Everybody Move”
Dan Hartman “Instant Replay”
Bonde Do Role “Solta o Frango”
Donna Summer “Last Dance”
Boston “More Than A Feeling”
Oingo Boingo – “Dean Man’s Party”
Usher – “Yeah!”
Gwen Stefani – “Just a Girl”
Talking Heads – “Burning Down the House”
Sir Mix A Lot – “Baby Got Back”
Chic – “Good Times”
“Double Dutch Bus” – Frankie Smith
Vamos Muchachos – Pepe Deluxe Beatitude Freestyle
Kinks “Picture Book”
Epik High “Paris”

SLOW DANCE
Ben Folds – “The Luckiest”
Bright Eyes “First Day of My Life”
Aerosmith “Dream On”
“Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” The Platters
Chris Isaak “Wicked Game”
REM “ Fall On Me”
The Killers “Mr Brightside”
Gary Wright “Dream Weaver”
“More Than Words” – Extreme
“If You Don’t Know Me” – Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes
“At Last” – Etta James
“Wonderful Tonight” Eric Clapton
Erasure “Oh l’Amour”
“True” – Spandau Ballet
Alphaville “Forever Young”
“You’ll Never Find” “Lou Rawls
“Crazy” – Willie Nelson
“Colour My World” Chicago
“Best of My Love” – Eagles
“I Will Always Love You” – Whitney Houston
Journey “Open Arms”
Journey- “Small Town Girl”
Johnny Rivers “Swayin to the Music”
John Lennon “Stand By Me”
Procol Harum – “Whiter Shade of Pale”
Percy Sledge – “When a Man Loves a Woman”
Bob Marley “Is This Love”
Portis Head – “Sour Times”
KISS – “Beth”
Bronski Beat (duet with Marc Almond) “I Feel Love”

First Dance
Frank Sinatra “Moon River”

Father/Daughter Dance
“What Will I Do” Irving Berlin

Cake Cut
Fat Boys “All You Can Eat”

Everybody Leave Song
Bad Brains “Pay to Cum”

 

December 21st, 2007
Besser’s Best Music of 2007

*no particular order

Best Albums
1. Shellac – Excellent Italian Greyhound
2. Weakerthans – Reunion Tour
3. J church – The Horror of Life (remember Lance)
4. Ben Lee – Ripe
5. Great Nothern – Trading Twilight for Daylight
6. Pinback – Autumn of Seraphs
7. Sea Wolf – Leaves in the River
8. Lavendar Diamond
9. Hallelujah the Hills – Collective Psychosis Begone

Best Singles Off Internet
1. E from L.O.S.T. “Honestly” www.myspace.com/efromlost
2. One Trick Pony “Box Song”
3. Lincoln Bedroom “I Just Want to See Her Face Again”
4. Ninja Academy – www.myspace.com/ninjaacademy
5. Whole Wheat Bread “Old Man Samson”
6. Dragoon www.myspace.com/dragoonmemphis
7. The Whips www.myspace.com/thewhips
8. Ben Swift www.benswift.net
9. Bonde do Role – Salto o Frango
10. CSS – Alala

Best Non-comedy TV Shows
1. Battlestar Galactica
2. Eureka
3. Prison Break
4. Smallville
5. Dead Zone – RIP
6. Journeyman – RIP
7. 4400 – RIP
8. Life on Mars
9. Torchwood
10. Lost

Best Ways to See Besser in Next Six Months
1. Walk Hard
2. UCBcomedy.com – launches in Jan.
3. The Very Funny Show www.tbs.com/shows/veryfunnyshow/
4. Drillbit Taylor
5. Asssscat on DVD & Comedy Central
6. Wild Girls Gone – maybe a little longer than 6 months
7. Wanted: Undead or Alive – zombedy avail on DVD
8. The Mighty B – Cartoon on Nichelodean in Spring
9. www.myspace.com/mattbesser for new MySpace Toms
10. www.myspace.com/crossballsdebateshow for Crossballs
11. at UCB Theater in LA in Asssscat & America’s Best Comic

 

October 23rd, 2007
Lance Hahn the lead singer/song writer of the pop/proto emo punk band J Church died on Oct. 21.
This was one of my favorite guys in one of my favorite bands. I never met him. We exchanged a few emails and he was really nice. But most importantly I loved his music. He has a great voice. Lyrics you can understand and always interesting. He’ll be missed. All I can say now is if you never gave J Church a try then let me recommend the songs…
1. My Favorite Place
2. At the Cannery
3. She’s So Mean
4. Jane, Vanessa, and I
5. Reaching for Thoreau
6. Fascist Radio
7. Stupid Lesson – ( my favorite live recording ever on my favorite album with best title “The Procession of Simulcrum/ Map Precedes Territory”)
8. Alone When She Dies
9. Crop Circles
10. You’re On Your Own
11. Dramatic History of a Boring Town ( hilarious)
12. Rich Young and Dumb
13. Closing Time in an Early Town

Stupid Lesson
Another stupid lesson I didn’t want to learn,
Standing in the rain waiting for my turn,
It’s my human condition that makes my world complete,
But tonight I just want to go home,
And a chance to dry my feet

No-one gets a second chance,
No-one knows the reason to the rhyme,
It might not make a difference,
No-one knows or has that kind of time

Your condescending tone has kept me up at night,
I didn’t say a word and I’m left with hindsight,
Your eyes look right through me,
While mine look through the rag,
I don’t want your cause and I won’t wave your flag

No-one gets a second chance,
No-one knows the reason to the rhyme,
It might not make a difference,
No-one knows or has that kind of time

I didn’t want to say this but now I know it’s true,
Inspiration turns to dogma and I wipe it off my shoe,
It’s my human condition that makes my world complete,
But tonight I just want to go home,
And a chance to dry my feet

No-one gets a second chance,
No-one knows the reason to the rhyme,
It might not make a difference,
No-one knows or has that kind of time

October 11th, 2007
UCB Season 2 dvd released.
order at
UCBtheater store
UCB Store
because we’re giving away a “super cool” t-shirt with every season 2 DVD.

October, 20 – 10PM
“God Sux”
UCB Theater LA
LA’s most faithful atheists congregate together to question the almighty. Watch these comics share their experiences with religion and how some were transformed from altar boys to skeptics. Don’t miss this chance to laugh so hard that you will challenge your beliefs. Matt Besser Marc Maron Jim “UBoat” Underdown

October 20 – midnight
“Best of F’d Up & Illegal Videos”
Part of Offensive Fest Dr. Aggro Cocky and Mr Aidnotfunny will present the most offensive videos of the year with special guest Paul F Tompkins.

Oct. 29 – “The Very Funny Show” on TBS.com
I made ten comedy videos for TBS.com with a bunch of funny people from UCB theater.Check it out in October 29.
First three episodes: Oct. 29
Fourth and fifth episodes: TBD
Sixth and seventh episodes: TBD
Eighth, ninth, and tenth episodes: TBD

Nov. 3 – “America’s Best Comic” – 10pm
UCB Theater LA
A parody of Last Comic Standing where Andy Daly and I do all of our stand-up characters. This episode is the audition round so we’ll be joined by TBD

November 8 – 6pm
Museum of Television and Radio
NYC
The Paley Center (formerly the Museum of Television and Radio) is putting together a panel discussion with us: Upright Citizens Brigade with Matt Besser, Amy Poehler, Ian Roberts, and Matt Walsh.
Paley Center info

November 11 – 8pm
Irving Plaza Asssscat – NY Comedy Festival
Asssscat with Besser, Roberts, Poehler and Walsh.
plus Horatio and surprise guests! When: November 11th : 8 p.m. Price: $20 Event Phone Number: 212-777-6800 Fillmore New York at Irving Plaza Neighborhood: Gramercy 17 Irving Place New York, NY 10003 212-307-7171
Asssscat at Irving Plaza tix

Nov. 17 – 10pm
“420 Show”
If u no, u no.
UCB Theater LA

Crossballs: the Debate Show
Crossballs
Crossballs myspace page has been set up where I will post new eps from on a regular basis. Friend & subscribe.

 

August 7th, 2007
Letter to the Editor
New City
Chicago
@ 1995

 

When UCB orginally did our Thunderball show in Chicago we wrote letters to protest baseball’s boringness.

Could Bonds outrun the Thunderball dogs? I doubt it.

July 11th, 2007
More Letters to the Editor @ “punk” and “alternative”

Bill Wyman is a music critic (The Reader) in Chicago who in the 90′s put out an annual bar graph which rated (and berated) some of the local “alternative” bands. I wrote him a pretentious letter pretending to be the lead singer of one of the bands which he gave a bad review to.

 

Then the real guy from the band responded and then I wrote the most circuitous apologies ever.

 

I’ll be performing in Chicago August 28th at the Lakeshore Theater.

 

July 5th, 2007
“Punk” & “Alternative” and other important issues in the letters to the editor.

In the 90′s when I lived in Chicago there were always letters in the papers where music nerds debated what was punk and what was alternative and who sold out. I would write letters with the goal of making my opinion as circuitous as possible.

 

 

WHAT’S IN MY CD PLAYER?
1. Shellac – “Excellent Italian Greyhound” – Even though it takes a long time for Shellac to release a record it is always worth the wait. When I hear the word aggro, I think of Shellac. It’s in the instruments, the lyrics, Albini’s voice. I’m a type of guy who likes to listen to certain music to meet certain moods. (check out Jerry Jeff Walker’s “I Feel Like Hank Williams Tonight”). I listen to Shellac when I’m feeling anger and sometimes the blues. I don’t like the Blues. It bores me. Sorry. I like it live. But listening to it on a CD always bores me. So that’s why I listen to bands like Fugazi and Shellac when most people would be tossing in their Fat Possum Willie or whoever. Back to this record. My favorite track is the first one, “The End of Radio”, because I’ve always been a fan of post-apocalyptic tales. I also love the second track, Steady As She Goes. Oh and the third track too -Be Prepared. Oh and…buy it already.

2. Dwight Yoakam – “If There Was A Way” – This came out in ’89 I think. I don’t think it’s regarded as one of his best efforts but it’s the only one of his records that I like from top to bottom. My favorite tracks are “It Only Hurts When I Cry” and “Since I Started Drinkin Again”.

3. 3 Inches of Blood – “Fire Up the Blades” – Fast and loud. I’m always a sucker for two vocalists.

SINGLES

1. CSS – Alala
2. The Highwaymen – Highwayman
3. Justice – B.E.A.T.
4. The Mountain Goats – This Year
5. Renegade Master – Renegade Master
6. Jackson United – Here Comes Hollow
7. Stars – Your Ex Lover Is Dead
8. Yo La Tengo – Our Way to Fall
9. Lyle Lovett – If I Had A Boat
10. Tom T Hall – Who’s Gonna Feed Dem Hogs?

 

June 27th, 2007

June 27th, 2007

 

May 22nd, 2007
TIP FROM A “FAN”
—————–
Matt,
Click this link and wait for the 3rd person’s head to flash on the screen. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me…and the people who love PB Loco peanut butter enough to visit their website.
Besser Clone Shucking for Peanut Butter

 

May 15th, 2007
Matt Besser’s Truthful Horoscope

Aries
Communicate with friends and you will discover that you don’t have many. You will make some new acquaintances if you travel. They will not like you.

Taurus
Money matters should be settled. Money is very important to you, so do whatever you can to enhance your cash flow, even if it means screwing over friends and family.

Gemini
If someone questions your loyalty, you should probably skirt the issues. Your lying abilities will help you once again.

Cancer
You can make the little changes to your home that you’ve been thinking about. Start by getting rid of the smell of cat piss and stale beer. Next take down those posters that you’ve had since college. Finally, move to a new place.

Leo
Be the leader. Most people are so dimwitted that they will believe anything that you tell them. Use these people to satiate your infantile whims.

Virgo
You smell worse than usual this month. Try not to smell so much, or at least stay away from others so they don’t have to suffer.

Libra
Your ability to put two and two together will lead to good results. Too bad basic addition is all you can handle. Don’t quit your job bagging groceries.

Scorpio
Do something that will make you feel good that doesn’t involve alcohol or drugs. Love and romance are evident, but remember that you can’t marry an avatar.

Sagittarius
You can’t waste time. Since you are lacking in the looks and brains department, time is all you really have, so use it wisely.

Capricorn
You can be extremely convincing when you get drunk and flirt. Try to make a deal without offering sex in return.

Aquarius
Sometimes you should just stick to doing what you do best. Spend more time watching television.

Pisces
Everyone thinks that you are a bad tipper and buy cheap gifts. Buy them something off of mattbesser.com

March 23rd, 2007

UCB SEASON 2 DVD Commentary Track Recorded Live…
On Stage at UCB Theater in LA
The UCB4 will comment on two episodes – “Spaghetti Jesus” and “Supercool”.
Please bring as much Supercool as you want.
We’ll have a Q&A and share Supercool stories.
March 31
8pm
tickets will be sold on ucbtheater.com

AMERICA’S BEST COMIC FINALS
It all comes down to this…
America’s most courageous comic JASON YELLOW (Matt Besser) will square off against tell-it-like-it-is road comic JERRY O’HEARN (Andy Daly) in a stand-up comedy battle royale to determine which one of them is…
”AMERICA’S BEST COMIC”
It’s the final episode of a stand-up competition reality show hosted by blue collar comedy God, POSSUM! (Tom Sharpe)
Check out this special performance of America’s Best Comic, which features appearances by…
Beloved head trauma victim Chocolate Pudding
His Eminence Pope Benedict XVI
86 year old comic wunderkind Ben Alterman
Edgeless comic Mr. Polite
Invisible comedian Sal Montero
Korean comedy import Dant Phant

America’s Best Comic
Saturday
March 31
10PM
UCB Theater LA
$8
Reservations: (323) 908-8702

“F’d Up & Illegal Videos”
April 7
midnight

Matt Besser MySpace now open for friendship! http://www.myspace.com/mattbesser

This site (mattbesser.com) has also been revamped with new videos (Including “King of the Three Way”).

 

March 5th, 2007
Best of 2006
Best Comedy Movie: Idiocracy
Best Drama Movie: Children of Men
Best Comedy TV Show: Metalocalypse / Moral Orel
Best Drama TV Show: Battlestar
Best Music: Ben Swift “Pull”
Best Song: High School the Musical “Break Free”
That’s right. I said it. “Break Free” from High School the Musical. It’s been a weak year for the type of music that I like. For the most part punk and hip hop hasn’t really done shit in a while. When are the Weakerthans going to put out something new, or Shellac, or Wu Tang, or Go Team? I’m growing impatient.

American Idol:
All the black women are better than all of the other contestants by a mile. There, somebody had to say it. I can’t wait till Sanji wins his Oscar.

Survivor lesson #237: Don’t give back massages too early in your initial days of survival.

Nets:
Jason Collins and Uncle Spliff got to start finishing or they should be finished.

February 16th, 2007
IN MY CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW:
1. Damned “Phantasmagoria” – many fans are ashamed of the Damded’s most gothic release. Not me. I gobbed in Vanium’s face at a show on this tour. Out of love of course.
2. The Mountain Goats “Bitter Melon Farm”
3. Legendary Hank Snow
4. Ben Swift “Pull”
5. NOFX “So Long and Thanks for All the Shoes”

Favorite Song of the Moment
Suzanne Vega “The Soldier and the Queen”

BANDS I NEVER GOT
1. Wire
2. Crass
3. Television
4. Gang of Four
5. Skinny Puppy
I know that this means that I don’t know anything about music but I tried and I just don’t get it. I’m sorry.

FAQ
Is it possible to remember (or find out?) who the “Japanoise” band featured on the episode “Anger Management (Eli’s Face Therapy)” is?
Peelander Z – They are touring and stronger than ever. Don’t miss this band live.

When is UCB season two coming out?
Fall 2007

Will Crossballs be released on DVD or rerun?
Never. See Crossballs page on this site for more info.

Matt Besser MySpace now open for friendship! http://www.myspace.com/mattbesser
Check newest video – “MySpace Tom”

This site (mattbesser.com) has also been revamped with new videos (Including “King of the Three Way”).

 

January 17th, 2007

Chocolate Pudding and Al Franken are part of
America’s Best Comic
Feb 5 at 8pm
$5
*the Jan. 24 show has been cancelled

January 11th, 2007

 

Jason Yellow is one of the stars of “America’s Best Comic”
You can see him and many more characters in the next show…
Jan. 24 at 8pm
$5
UCB Theater in LA

January 9th, 2007

December 18th, 2006
BEST COMEDY CURRENTLY ON TV
1. Metalocalypse – funniest show on tv.
2. Moral Orel – most satirical show on tv by far
3. Help Me Help You – I was in two episodes of this show but they just yanked it before my shows got on air. Hopefully it’s coming back. Not just for my sake but because it’s actually a really funny show. The cast is great and so is the writing.
4. Curb Your Enthusiasm – I’m supposed to be in an episode of this so fingers are crossed.
5. The Office – I’m not really opening any eyes here but how could I not put it on the list.

RECOMMENDED I-TUNES:
1. Trusty – Mad Religion
2. Ben Swift – Happy Song
3. Kajagoogoo – Never Ending Story
4. Steve Earle – I Aint Never Satisfied
5. Black Oak Arkansas – Uncle Elijah

FUCK OFF LIST:
This is a list of people who I’d like to tell them to “fuck off” for being such dick heads.
1. Candace, Paverty, and Adam from Survivor who were mean to Jonathan for no reason. He was just playing the game.
2. Jamie Masada – disingenuous owner of the Laugh Factory Jamie Masada banned the word “nigger” at the Laugh Factory. What a self-important asshole. Why just one word. What about faggot which said on a much regular basis at his club and with real hate. This is the same guy who has theme nights at his club like Asian night, or worse Chocolate Sundae. Would Jamie rather we call them the Chocolates. “There’s a chocolate! There’s a chocolate!” They don’t have a Mayonnaise Monday or White Bread Wednesday.
3. Monica Lewinsky, Ken Starr, and everyone involved in trying to impeach President Clinton.
4. Jeff McInnis – for now bowing out of his contract with the Nets.
5. Bush – too many reasons – my site won’t handle the bandwidth.

Please write me with any additions to these lists…

September 27th, 2006
If you send me an email I will usually answer your questions in this blog.

MORE QUESTIONS ANSWERED

1) Where’d you get those skulls that you collected (that is if you actually have em)?
- One of the toughest things about being an artistic director is cutting people from their Harold Teams.

2) What was it like going to the Warped tour to see NoFX and being surrounded by pop punk and emo kids?
- It’s great because I’m about a foot taller than everyone there so it’s easy to see in the back. My favorite part of the show was when Fat Mike made fun of Under Oath. Outside of NOFX it seemed like lead singers all now talk like hippies instead of punks.

3) Are you a fan of Mindless Self Indulgence at all?
-Yes I am. I can’t wait for you to shut me up. Kind of sounds like the lead singer Shudder To Think meets Darkness. I likey.

…IN MY CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW:
a) Yo La Tengo – I am not afraid of you and will beat your ass – This may be my favorite YLT album ever. Can’t stop listening to “Black Flowers”.
b) Angelic Upstarts “Angel Dust” – if you like English punk grab this greatest hits collection of one of the best bands.
c) Magazine – Magic, Murder, and the Weather – another English punk band that not many people know about
d) Anything by Pinback. I guess I caught onto these guys late. I saw them at the Touch and GO festival and I’m totally into their melodic rock.
e) Calexico – Garden Ruin
f) Metric – Live It Up – I saw these guys at Bumbershoot. Music is all over the place in a good way. Inventive use of keyboards.
g) Enon – High Society – too hard to describe and that’s what makes them so good.
h) NOFX – The Decline – epic song
i) T.I. – The King – He might be.
j) Method Man’s latest –something about 420 – It’s not his best but it’s good.

4)Your “May I Help You Dumbass” CD was just so funny and inventive. Some of the tracks are stopped before a hang-up, so I was wondering if you ever let anyone in on the gag (like the callers who were kind of sweet or good sports).
- We’re all best friends now. We get together every thanksgiving to celebrate the 1 before the area code.

5)I’m a year from finishing up college- and I want to do they type of things that you’ve been able to do. I’m not saying draw a map, but are there any first steps you would
recommend.
- Get up on stage as much as possible. Don’t get meta and post-modern too soon. Read. Experience life outside of comedy so that you have something to write about.

6)What are you up to these days?
- I’m currently writing a sketch pilot for TBS.
- UCB is negotiating a deal to release new Asssscats on DVD.
- …and other projects too sensitive to discuss in the light of day.

 

August 22nd, 2006
Q & A

The dog that is located in the background of your bio, I don’t know if it is yours or not – do you know what kind of dog that is?
Cavalier King Charles Spaniel mixed with Pekinese is our best guess. She looks like the giant dog in The Never Ending Story. That dog owns me.

My sister and I cannot figure out which season a specific sketch is on. It’s the one where the man is so angry and he picks the laplanders to project his anger on to.
The name of the sketch is “I’m Gonna Kill You”. Episode 205. Second season. You can see it on Youtube and hopefully in a season 2 DVD coming soon.

I have a question about getting something started. how can you get any project started with a group of people, ie filming something or compiling sketches. it seems so impossible, is it just one person that runs it all?
Like a basketball team every group has its own unique dynamic. People compliment each other with their skills and personality. You just need to hang out at places where comedy is put up and groups tend to form organically. People who think you are funny will want to work with you.

BESSER’S BEST MUSIC EVER
I was very fortunate to be born with an uncanny sense of perfect musical taste. I have crunched the numbers and done the research and it so happens that I have the best music collection ever assembled in the history of the world.
These are the CDs that are currently on rotation in my CD player. They are not all recent releases but they are all worth having in your collection.

1. NOFX – “Wolves In Wolves Clothing” / “Never Trust A Hippy” – Best song is “Leaving Jesusland”. I love Fat Mike’s anti-religious bent. When I saw Warped Tour he was ragging on the Christian punk band Under Oath. Hilarious. At the warped tour I was overwhelmed by the amount of hippy dippy pre-song banter coming from the mouths of so-called punks.
2. Giant Drag – “Hearts and Unicorns” – These two rock. Worthy of comparison to My Bloody Valentine. Unique personalities to be sure.
3. Coco Rosie – “Noah’s Ark” – Portishead meets Bjork meets Frankenstein
4. Latterman – “No Matter Where We Go” – after the Weakerthans and Toys That Kill this is probably my favorite new punk band
5. 5 Days Dirty – I also like this band but I don’t think they have a CD yet. Check out their Myspace page.
6. Greg Gaffin – “Cold As the Clay” – I love it when my punk rock heroes do these solo projects.
7. Dixie Chicks – “Taking the Long Way” – Yeah I said it. “The Long Way Round” is the best song of the year. Let’s get behind these ladies and go to the concerts.
8. Black Heart Procession – “Amore Del Tropico”
9. Deviates – “Time Is The Distance” – sounds like Pennywise in a good way
10. 1208 – “Turn of the Screw” – sounds like Pennywise in a good way.

BESSER’S BEST SHOWS ON TV THAT ARE NOT COMEDIES
1. Battlestar Gallactica
2. Deadwood
3. Lost
4. The Wire
5. TNT’s coverage of the NBA
6. 4400
7. Dead Zone
8. Smallville
9. Eureka
10. Religion & Ethics Weekly with Bob Abernathy

BESSER’S POLITICAL CORNER
Fuck Joe Lieberman!

BESSER’S LATEST PROJECT
My focus is on sketch again. I will do Woo Pig Sooie on the road where there is interest but I have put my one man show to bed in LA. I’m doing Asssscat every Saturday and Sunday and trying to write up sketches based on scenes from those shows. We’ve got a lot of talented sketch performers at our theaters on both coasts and I’m trying to work with them as much as possible.

WILD GIRLS GONE
Believe it or not we are still not finished filming this movie. The film biz is hard Splangy!

UCB SEASON 2 DVD
Most likely very maybe pretty soonish…

CROSSBALLS DVD
Forget it…but look for us to put up clips on the ucbtheater site very soon.

For booking info:
BOJAN JOVANOVIC
Noise Problem Booking
noiseproblem.com
noiseproblem@comcast.net

April 23rd, 2006
ODE TO A PRIUS OWNER
Oh my look what you did,
You went and bought a hybrid.
Prius people are better than others.
Caring for the world like Sally Strothers.
They deserve the carpool lane you must admit.
Instead of taking our future,
They’re giving a shit.
Everyone take a moment to thank a Prius Owner.
Be they rich like Larry David,
Or just a poor stoner.
Prius owners
Keep the globe from warming
Killer bees from swarming
Give them all your respect
Since they stop the green house effect.
Prius owners are the best, if you ask me.
At least they’re better than the owner of an SUV.

April 16th, 2006
at the UCB theater in LA we’re doing a 420 show on 4/20
www.ucbtheater.com

DID THE UCB START THE MARIJUANA CODE 4:20?
Of course we did. Yet another UCB number combination has been ripped off. In the 70’s some burnouts called the Waldoes stole it from our Inner Sanctum. Now everyone is saying it. I have compiled a list of other facts about the origin of 4:20.
- 4:20 has great significance…. 4:20 pm is world wide “burn time”.
- 4/20 is the toker’s New Year’s Day.
- April 20th (4/20) is another usage, meaning that it is time for the weed farmers to plant sweet seeds before the summer
- Police dispatch code for smoking pot is 420. Checks of criminal codes suggest that the origin is Humboldt County, California.
- There are exactly 420 active chemicals in marijuana.
- April 20th is National Pot Smokers Day.
- April 20th is Hitler’s birthday.
- The date of the Columbine school shootings.
- Bob Marley died at 4:20.
- Tommy Chong born at 4:20 on 4/20.
- 4:20 was when many God damn hippies could finally get out of detention and get to smoke their first joint of the day.
- 4:20 is tea time for pot-smokers in Holland.
- 4:20 is the time you should dose to be peaking when the (Grateful) Dead went on stage.
- Paul McCartney released “Band on the Run” on 4/20.
- Bob Dylan’s song “Rainy Day Woman # 12 and 35.” 12 multiplied by 35 equals none other than 420. In the same song Dylan chants, “everybody must get stoned” over and over again. From the album “Blonde on Blonde”.

Well, they’ll stone ya when you’re trying to be so good,
They’ll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to go home.
Then they’ll stone ya when you’re there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they’ll stone ya when you’re walkin’ ‘long the street.
They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to keep your seat.
They’ll stone ya when you’re walkin’ on the floor.
They’ll stone ya when you’re walkin’ to the door.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

They’ll stone ya when you’re at the breakfast table.
They’ll stone ya when you are young and able.
They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to make a buck.
They’ll stone ya and then they’ll say, “good luck.”
Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they’ll stone you and say that it’s the end.
Then they’ll stone you and then they’ll come back again.
They’ll stone you when you’re riding in your car.
They’ll stone you when you’re playing your guitar.
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they’ll stone you when you walk all alone.
They’ll stone you when you are walking home.
They’ll stone you and then say you are brave.
They’ll stone you when you are set down in your grave.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned
- The Beatles song “Come Together” is 4:20 in length
- In the works of H. P. Lovecraft. A short story of his, entitled “In the Walls of Eryx” and first published in Weird Tales [34, No. 4 (October 1939), pp50-68], contains this passage:
I had encountered at least one of those curious mirage-plants about which so many of our men told stories. Anderson had warned me of them, and described their appearance very closely—the shaggy stalk, the spiky leaves, and the mottled blossoms whose gaseous dream-breeding exhalations penetrate every existing make of mask…Although everything was spinning perilously, I tried to start in the right direction and hack my way ahead. My route must have been far from straight, for it seemed hours before I was free of the mirage-plant’s pervasive influence. Gradually the dancing lights began to disappear, and the shimmering spectral scenery began to assume the aspect of solidity. When I did get wholly clear I looked at my watch and was astonished to find that the time was only 4:20. Though eternities had seemed to pass, the whole experience could have consumed little more than a half-hour.
- Longitude 4 degrees and latitude 20 degrees marks the location of the Garden of Eden. The apple in the Garden of Eden is actually the marijuana bud. Adam and Eve smoked it and that made them so horny that they committed the Original Sin.
- D is the 4th letter in the alphabet and T is the 20th letter, and the DT’s are what you get when you go cold turkey on the marijuana. D.T. stand for the Devil’s Trap or Devil’s Tool or Devil’s Titty.
- WARNING FLAG – It certainly doesn’t matter too much where the term came from because for us parents, it’s a flag, a warning sign that our teenagers may be into something that could harm their future. When you see the symbol 420, be aware of what it represents. Marijuana is the Devil’s Tool.
ANAGRAMS of “four twenty” =
“we fun to try” – subliminal message to encourage addiction to pot
“went fry out” – which is what your brain does.
“try new tofu” – further evidence of the hippie conspiracy to ruin the beef industry and thus deprive Americans of the protein they need to keep alert to the communists, atheists, liberals, etc.
“new fury tot” – refers to the anti-Christ baby coming to Earth to usher in the apocalypse.
“wet fun Troy”- like the Trojan horse the hippies try to slip their evil into use with their supposedly fun harmless drug.

 

December 29th, 2005
?s & ANSWERS TO THEM, FROM EMAILS TO ME

Hey, Matt, I grew up in Arkansas, where “Woo Pig Sooie” is the fightin’ call for the Razorbacks. Is this where your grandmother’s from? There are plenty of fundamentalists there–my family is some of them. I’m an atheist now. Telling them I was an athiest was like a “coming out” experience; they went through all the phases to deal with it, anger, denial, depression, and acceptance. Are you doing the “Woo Pig Sooie” in San Francisco? I would love to come see it. Are you coming back again, or putting it out on CD or DVD?

Yes, I too am a Razorback fan. And yes my grandmother is from the Ozarks of Arkansas. Harrison in Boone County to be exact. A nearby town called Jasper was the home of Dogpatch USA which was a amusement park dedicated to the characters of Lil Abner. But I also remember the Schmoo walking around saying “schmoo” but I’m not sure how he ties into the Lil Abner mythology. It was Schmoo that convinced me that there is no God. In that part of the state it was considered unbelievable to not be a Christian. In my show I try to juxtapose my grandmother’s intolerance of my Jewish father with the present day intolerance of the religious right. I know that doesn’t sound funny, but I swear that the show is a comedy. Next show is Dec. 30 at the UCB theater in LA.
I probably won’t do this show again in San Francisco but I do want to tour it through the Bible belt. I’m trying to get that together now. Please email me if you have any places you think I should hit in the South and southwest adair@uprightcitizens.org
We are going to do an Asssscat at the SF Sketch fest on Jan. 27th. Roberts, Poehler, Dratch, Horatio, and Arnett will also be there.

I know the show has been over for a long time, but I was curious as to how much input you had on the show. Did you make the shows a lot by yourself or was it a giant production, and you were just the actor/writer.

As far as writing the scenes goes, the four UCB wrote all the scenes except for a few written by Josh Siegal, Joe Ventura, Eric Zicklin, and Armando Diaz. Our EP was Kent Altarman who helped with all the scenes and the editing choices. We got to do 99% of the scenes that we wanted to do.
Every sketch had at least 50 people making it go. Our makeup guy was a genius. Our costumers, props, and set designers were great. Our editors had a great sense of humor and were very patient with us. All of our directors were the best and had a lot of input into the creation of the scenes. Across the board we liked everyone on staff and really appreciated everyone’s contribution.

I was wondering how you respond to criticism that improv is on a lower level than sketch comedy because sketch comedy allows the writers to refine their lines and ensure that most of them will succeed before performing. It seems to be an ongoing debate in the comedy community.

It is logical that a scene can get better by putting it on stage, seeing how it goes, and then rewriting it. There are very few scenes that I have improvised and then later put up as a sketch without any changes (“Virtual Rape” was an exception). On the other hand some improvised scenes are really solid. And an improvised scene is usually better acted than a written scene. It’s hard to duplicate that “being in the moment” acting that you get in improv. So with improv there can be an argument that the flow and connection of the characters is more organic and natural and better for those reasons. The truth is that 95% of improv sucks and 95% of sketch sucks. It’s some of the people who do comedy who are on a lower level, not the medium (“all sitcoms suck”) or the genre (“all improv sucks”). Except, of course, short form improv which we can all agree sucks completely.

F’ed Up & Illegal Videos was a fun show. That little Hitler kid was awesome! The Gary Busey stuff was genius. Kudos to everyone involved.

This show is the most fun Walsh and I have had on stage since moving to LA. Some of these videos are truly astounding. Paul F. Tompkins showed a video of a kid doing an audition tape where he does basically a one man show about Hitler dressed in a Nazi uniform and with a mustache. Next F’ed Up show will be Nov. 12 at midnight. If you got a weird video you’d like to show then drop off a copy for me at the UCB box office.

Asssscat: Improv
We haven’t heard anything from Bravo so who knows what the future is but in the meantime check out some scenes that got cut from the show. Hopefully a bit of web traffic will help our cause too.

http://www.bravotv.com/ASSSSCAT_Improv/video.shtml

Nipsey Russell R.I.P. He was always cool to the UCB when we did bits with him on Conan. He once told us. “Hollywood is one typewriter and a thousand copy machines.”

How did you get involved in “Stung”, the Method Man / Redman prank show (do I have that name right? That was you, wasn’t it?)

On the UCB show we invited the Wu Tang to be in an episode. You see the UCB’s inner sanctum is in the middle of the earth and so is the Wu Tang’s 36th Chamber. Naturally their tunnels sometimes intersect. The only Wu that showed up was the RZA. He was very cool and explained what “cipher” means. He also brought along the Black Knights of the North Star and Killarmy. I had a long conversation with one of Killarmy who wanted me to get him a long car to take him home. It took me a while to figure out that long car is a limo. Once they got the long car they got it to take them to clubs. The night ended with a limo window being kicked out. ODB was supposed to be in that bit but he wouldn’t go out when the car came to pick him up. So that’s how we met the Wu tang and killer bees. In the mythology of the UCB show Adair and RZA were roommates at Oxford.
After UCB ended my first passion was to continue the prank/sketch that we had done in UCB. I pitched a show to MTV (before Punkd) with myself as the star. They weren’t buying me as the center but they did like the idea. They wanted to do any show with Redman and Method so they paired us up. I helped them write most of the pranks and I tried to find myself a role in every bit. They were both a lot of fun and they were getting high constantly and not giving a shit. It was truly inspiring to see how to deal with executives. Redman actually got so high that he fell asleep at the beginning of the beat box prank. Most the pranks ended up being lame but I did enjoy the beatbox one.

Also, I’m curious about how the theater itself got started. I didn’t hear that it was opening until it happened really. How long were you looking for a theater in L.A.? Was it hard to buy it? Are you going to change the sign someday?

I assume everyone knows that we have had a theater in NYC since 1998. When I moved to LA I really missed it and hoped that we could recreate a similar community out here. We’ve been looking around for about three years but nothing seemed to be right. The previous landlords heard we were looking and contacted us. They had been looking to move for a while. We did not buy it, we have a long lease. We will change the sign soon.

Who owns the UCB (the intellectual property), and what is its relationship to the theaters? Is it a for-profit or not-for-profit operation?
Amy, Walsh, Roberts, and Besser own the UCB in every aspect.
For profit.

How do the theaters pay the rent? What’s the relationship between the income from the shows and the classes and so on?
Our goal has always been to have the theater pay for itself and to not depend on money made from the classes. It took us a few years for our NYC theater to reach this goal. Our theory has always been that the popular shows support the less popular shows.

Are there any staff?
We have a business directors, theater managers, school administrators, tourco booker, professional techs, book keeper, teachers, and artistic director. Interns work the box office and door. Susan Hale runs our theater in LA.

Where did the Asssscat form come from?
All good long forms are derivatives of the Harold. Harolds often use monologues as an opening to inspire scenes. Any form called the Montage or the Armando or Asssscat is really just a Harold without all the challenges. Asssscat is the simplest form and we do it the most because it doesn’t require rehearsal. However, don’t confuse form with style. Two different groups could improvise the same form but use entirely different styles of scene work.

Do you prefer it to other forms?
The long form structure is there to make your improv and your humor come about easier. Asssscat is a simpler form but a Harold is much more impressive when a team actually completes a Harold. The Movie is probably my favorite form. (Check out Martini Shot doing it on Thursdays at 9:30). It is fast and easy for the audience to get, but it takes a lot of rehearsal.

What sets the UCB classes apart from say, Groundlings?
I don’t have much info on the Groundlings, but I do know that our style of improv focuses on “finding the game”. I think we focus on this more than any other improv school.

If I’m planning on going to two shows, the second of which does not accept reservations. What if I get out of the first show and there’s a huge line for the later show — do those already in the theatre have the option of staying or get priority admission to the later show in some way?
Yes. If the second show is free.

Tell us a little about what the story is with the Bravo show. How will you achieve it, technically? How long will it be? Will it be an Asssscat? You shot it at the theater in NY? How did you get them interested in making a show of it?
There are a lot of cool executives working for NBC Universal empire. For the last five years two of them in particular, Lisa Leingang and Marc Hirschfeld, have been talking to us about finding a way to put Asssscat on tv. Lisa is one of the coolest most supportive development executives in comedy.
Our first idea was to have it run late night on NBC but that eventually reached a dead end. Last year the UCB made a development deal with NBC and we decided the best fit for Asssscat would be on Bravo.
We have made an hour special with Bravo which will air in the fall. If it goes well then it might be a series. That’s our hope anyway.
We shot the special in Feb. at Chelsea Studios which happens to be a block away from our theater in NYC. For the special we shot two shows. Each show had six segments of fifteen minutes. Each segment started with the monologist taking a new suggestion. So the only difference between the tv show and the stage show is that we did six 15 minute segments a shows instead of two 35 minutes acts. These fifteen minute segments usually had about 5-6 scenes and we chose the best 4. The scenes themselves were not edited down.
The shows went really well. We shot it on a minimalist set with at least nine cameras. They needed a lot of cameras since there was no blocking. We did want to shoot in our theater but our NYC ceiling is too low for tv lights.

Also, I want to hear about the writing process for the UCB show. It was always so driven by the kinds of things that come out in improv (wild connections, high stakes with non-wacky characters, situational stuff) that I imagined it was almost a transcription of improvisations. How did you write it? Did you write solo, or in teams, or on stage, or what?

We wrote in every way. Sometimes it came from one person’s head, or a duo, and sometimes a scene was inspired by something we had done in Asssscat. There was only one scene in thirty episodes which was transcripted and not changed from the original improvised scene. That scene was called Virtual Rape and was in our third season in a show which focused on technology. When you write sketch for tv and you only have 22 minutes then you really have to have an economy of words. Therefore most of our scenes went through several rewrites before they were shot.
The connections are located, they are not written. We tried to find organic connections between scenes just like you do in a Harold. If we decided a connection was too forced or contrived then we dropped it. These connections determined how the scenes were grouped; and themes were formed; and shows were built.

I know you talked a bit after Woo Pig Sooie at the Purple Onion about how the Bug Juice sketch grew out of your experience… where do you find your inspiration?
And how do you write your standup?
Yes, many scenes came from personal experience. The Bug Juice scene is based on an incident that happened at a born again sports camp called Kanakuk. One day some kids from one cabin went to another cabin and smashed a trunk. The head of the camp, Joe White, then gathered everyone on the basketball court and told us that he had a heart condition and that he was going to start jogging out of the camp and that he would not stop until the guilty party confessed. For the next four hours everyone cried and witnessed and everyone falsely confessed to save our martyr Joe White from certain death. You’ll be glad to know that Joe White is still alive and he heads what is equivalent to the Promise Keepers for kids. The Lady of the Lake is based on an ex girlfriend of mine who used to bug me at parties. The Throwing Star Massacre was based on the Jonesboro school shooting spree. And of course Little Donny was inspired by my own deformed anatomy.
I have done different kinds of standup. When I first started back in Chicago I was more interested in the Kaufman type postmodern stuff. I used to bring a toilet bowl on stage filled with my penny collection. Pretty silly. Of late I’ve been trying the total opposite tact. For the last year I have been totally obsessed with how the Christian Right is trying to control our country. I know that most people probably find the discussion of church and state pretty boring but it’s really the only thing that I feel that I have any insight on. So all I’ve been doing is trying to stay well informed on this topic and do my best to talk about it in a funny way. When I write standup I usually just say it off the top of my head the first couple of times I perform, but then I write it up and scrutinize it. (I would love to get my hands on the secret to Dat Phan’s number system.)

How is the cast for ASSSSCAT decided? Do people call each other before the show to make sure enough people show up? Are certain improvisers invited to perform once they have gained a certain level of respect? Same goes for the monologist, how are they decided on?

Asssscat is an improv show that has never had a rehearsal or a set cast. The only common denominator is that some of the original UCB be present to provide a core for the show. Besser, Poehler, Roberts, and Walsh also consider Horatio Sanz to be a part of the core of Asssscat. We have been pitching Asssscat to tv for several years. When we are focusing on its quality we try to keep the number of improvisers to around eight. Now there are Asssscats on both coasts. We are trying to be a little more organized on the west coast by keeping a core of six which includes Besser, Roberts, and Walsh of the UCB and Andrew Daly, Andy Secunda, and Sean Conroy of the SWARM. Adam McKay and Jerry Minor also have an open door invite but they are often too busy to play. Other than those guys we try to book one guest improviser per week. We’re all friends and have fun playing together and that’s probably why we can achieve ensemble without rehearsal. Monologists are usually someone we know who are good at telling stories. We often go to the same people like Andy Richter because they are such good story tellers. There is no calling on phones before shows. We are not our brother’s keeper when it comes to making someone show up to improvise.

How did the UCB start? Who has been an “official” member over the years?

In 1990 there was a bar in Chicago called the Roxy. They had a weekly open mic which attracted a whole rainbow of comedy acts. I first saw Andy Dick, Odenkirk, and Dino on this stage. This is also where I met Matt Walsh. We would do two man bits at the Roxy, the Union, and a great show called Theater of the Bizarre. The Roxy would also put up sketch shows so I booked a month run where me, Walsh, and Jeff Lucas put up a series of scenes. Meanwhile I was starting my classes at ImprovOlymic where I met Adam McKay and Horatio Sanz. They came to our Roxy shows and eventually joined in. At this point the name of the group was Cerebral Strip Mine. We did one scene which parodied a corporate training film and in the scene the makers of the film where the Upright Citizens Brigade who were an affiliate of the Russell Corporation. We liked this idea so much that we made our next sketch show about an evil corporation who is selling a new technology called “Virtual Reality”. This was the first show where we called the group UCB. That show had me, McKay, Horatio, and Ian Roberts who came to the IO about a year after the rest of us. This show had other people who sat in on a few scenes but that foursome was the core that did every VR show. Two other major collaborators on that show were Drew Franklin and Armando Diaz. Drew is a street performance artist who made the UCB eyes. Armando was the head writer on our tv show. There was one bit in that show called the Virtual Road Trip where McKay would take a member of the audience out of the theater and would drive them around the theater’s neighborhood pretending like it was a road trip across country. Armando and Drew shot this on video and edited it during the show, and then we would play it at the end. Our next show was “Conference on the Future of Happiness” Rich Fulcher and Walsh had pieces in that. Then there was “UCBTV” where we incorporated our improv movie techniques into the sketch and that show included Neil Flynn. Then was “Thunderball” which included Amy Poehler for the first time. And finally there was “Big Dirty Hands” and “Punch Your Friend” in the Face which was the final Walsh, Poehler, Roberts, and Besser.

When McKay was on Fresh Air, he told some bizarre stories about some shows in Chicago. What were a few of the most out-of-the-box shows you guys did, or show elements?

During many shows we would lead the crowd out into the street so that we could really prank them. These pranks caused the police the break up our show at least five times. In “Virtual Reality” Horatio was arrested and driven away in cuffs shouting “Fight the power!” because we had staged a virtual revolution in the streets complete with lit torches and fake guns. We did another bit where we would stop traffic by having a thanksgiving dinner in the intersection. The car with Adam on the Virtual Road Trip would then hit Horatio crossing the street. One time we were harassed by the Latin Kings and another time a crazy homeless guy tried to choke me. Once Adam staged a suicide where we threw a dummy off a 12 a story building.
In “Conference on the Future of Happiness” we led the audience down an alleyway where we then broke into the back on someone’s house, beat a guy up, and stole his bass guitar. This was to teach them that being free of laws gives you happiness. Also I would convince a neighborhood kid to put a bottle rocket in his mouth and light it. Once lit, I berated the adults which comprised the audience and told the kid the key to happiness is never trust adults. At the end that show we gathered the audience back at the theater where we opened up a wooden box which contained the magic sentence of happiness: “Don’t be a sucker.” Then we took raw biscuit dough from the box and pelted the audience with it until our get away car arrived then we hopped in and drove away.
In “Thunderball” we ended the show by staging a riot in front of Wrigley Field to call for the end of professional baseball. When we videotaped us playing Thunderball that was some of the stupidest shit we’ve ever done. We drove my Honda Accord around a public softball field with a bunch of young improvisers diving on and around the car as it fishtailed in the dirt until finally someone went through the front windshield and the party was over.
In “Saigon Suicide Squad” we used to get an audience member high on nitrous oxide. That was fun to watch at the time but also very stupid thing to do, but you have to make them laugh somehow.

Are there things you wish you’d done in your career/avocation when you were young that you didn’t? Ones you did and you were so happy you did?

I probably should have moved to NYC sooner than I did but then I wouldn’t have hooked up with the same group of people so I don’t regret it. I’m so happy.

How many people usually show up for the improv jam? Is it cool to just show up, or should you call someone first to let them know you want to come?

It seems to be growing in popularity every week. Just show up and tell the host before the show that you want to play.
“Pimp’d” is an open show for standups. Go see it and ask Sean Conroy, the host and MC, about how to get in the show.
“Not Too Shabby” is not an open mic. It’s for people who are currently performing at the theater. If you’d like to put up a sketch and you are not performing at the theater then talk to the hosts Neil Campbell or Paul Rust and they might have room to put you up every once in a while. Go to a show and talk to them about it.

What was your contribution to the film Junebug/What can you tell us about it?

The director of Junebug is Phil Morrison. He also directed a majority of the first seasons episodes. He was kind enough to give me a small role which can be seen in the opening ten minutes. I’m a art scout. Also in this scene are Jerry Minor and Will Oldham. It was very cool to meet Will since I’m a fan of his music.
I think this movie is great all around. Phil really shines as the director too. He really knows how to tell a story even with a simple camera refocus. Very Jarmusch. It’s playing at good theaters now so check it out.

UCB seasons 2/3 and DVD. Please expand on the subject.
This is a challenge because it’s not up to us. A very cool fan of the UCB has started a petition for Comedy Central to release a season 2 & 3 of our tv show.

http://www.petitiononline.com/ucbdvd23/petition.html

Has Comedy Central shown any interest in releasing a Crossballs DVD? I loved that shit when it was on last summer.

The DVD situation at Comedy Central is too confusing for me. Crossballs caused so much trouble with so many of our guests that I’m guessing it will never be seen again. I’m posting as many clips as I can on mattbesser.com

Is UCB planning on having Harold teams? If so what are going to be the requirements to auditions?

Seth Morris is the new Artistic Director and he can be contacted in our office during the day. 323-908-8702 You must at least complete a second level with us to audition.

Asssscat on BRAVO
The UCB would like to thank everyone in the improv community who supported Asssscat and helped us give it a shot on tv. And of course a big thanks to Del who gave us all the tools. Hopefully it will do good numbers and we can do it as a series.
To answer a few questions:
No, there was no laugh track added. If the laughs sound awkward then it is something in the mix.
Yes, there were wider shots of the whole stage but then you can’t really see people’s expressions on their face when you stay in that shot.
Yes, the end of the penny debate was cut off last night. There are at least 20 seconds left in that scene. I’m looking into it so maybe it will be all right in the reruns.
Yes, we did shoot two shows but almost every scene was taken from the second show. The first show was more of a warm up. The main plan was to shoot six twelve minute acts and choose the best five. We all were a bit nervous and uptight on the first show and even a little bit in the second. I bet if we did a series and were able to shoot a bunch then we would loosen up to do more callbacks and tag-outs which are indicative of our regular shows.
Yes, most of our improv is based on “the game” because that’s the way we roll.

How does one increase the chance of attending a live show that includes the four core UCB members? Are you all in LA now?
The guys live in LA but Amy lives in NYC. She often comes to LA when SNL is on break so look at our schedule in those down weeks. In NYC the Del Close marathon is the best time to get all four together. But have you seen…

http://www.bravotv.com/ASSSSCAT_Improv/video.shtml

What happened to the message boards at uprightcitizens.org?
They are coming back soon. Hopefully with less horse cocks.

I live in a place where we dont have those amazing sounding comedy shows the ucb theaters provides, I wish some show videos could be put up on a website, I would pay good money for that(other people would too!).
That is a plan in the works. We just want it to look and sound good so we’re learning how to do it right. Get on our mailing list at ucbtheatre.com

Was the UCB doing sketch before the show? How/why did you transition from improv to sketch and back?
You got it backwards. UCB originated as a sketch group and we never really improvised as the UCB until we moved to NYC. My improv group in Chicago was called the Family. Ian Roberts was also in that group along with Neil Flynn and Adam McKay and some other guys you might not know. Since then we did it simultaneously so there was no switching back and forth.

I’m founding an Improv Troupe at my high school. Do you have any advice for being successful?
Rehearse a lot and get good instruction on the techniques you want to learn.
Don’t name your group after a pun.
Don’t do short form.
Avoid black outs.
Don’t think.
Now go!

I’ve founded an Improv Troupe at my high school, and I was wondering if you have any advice for us? We’re going to try to use the general ASSSSCAT format for some of our shows. What tips might you have about monologues, doing scenes, and improv in general?

In short…when you listen to a monologue, think of it as a pool of ideas. Every time the monologist makes a point or says a detail that makes you laugh then analyze why you are laughing. That thing that made you laugh is the place you will start your scene.
My tip…don’t make the scene about the chair.

I was watching the bucket of truth episode again, and i can’t help but
think of that song that Captain lunatic makes people dance to sounds
like a Barry White song. I was wondering if you knew what song this was
or if you guys made it up or what?

On our first season we had Dave Adler, a musical genius working with us. This is a guy that we had worked with at the Annoyance Theater in Chicago. For the purposes of improv he is the best keyboardist in the game. He made 95% of the music on the first season. This was his spot on parody of a Barry White song. Also listen closely to his version of the chumbawumba song in Lady of the Lake.

Was the REAL JD Salinger on the “Little Donny” episode? I’ve
tried looking online for days now, to no avail.
That was not the real JD Salinger. That was DB Cooper doing his best JD Salinger impression.

 

June 13th, 2005
UCB Theater in LA is coming July 2

5919 Franklin Avenue (at Bronson)
(323) 908-8702

Get on our LA mailing list at www.ucbtheater.com

UCB teaching classes in LA now!
Level one and two now available.

www.ucbtheater.com

Register NOW, classes will fill up quickly.

in NYC

July 20
Wednesday
9:30
“Woo Pig Sooie”
Matt Besser (Upright Citizens Brigade, Crossballs)performs a one man show about his battles with God, and the making of an atheist where a Jewish father and a Christian mother make one pissed off Fundamentalist Grandma.
This show may have appeared under the alternate titles:
”God vs. Matt Besser”; “Besser In Satan’s Service”; “Christian Camp for Jews”; “John the Baptist, Matt the Atheist”; “Vatican’t”; “Religious Experience Required”;
“R U There Jason Kidd? It’s Me, Matt Besser”; “The Bible Belch”.

July 21
SUPER ASSSSCAT at SUMMERSTAGE in CENTRAL PARK
Biggest best Asssscat ever and it’s FREE!
Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, Ian Roberts, Horatio Sans, and surprise guests.
Buy your plane tix now.

July 21-24
Del Close Marathon

 

May 28th, 2005
WHEN IS ASSSSCAT GOING TO BE ON BRAVO?
They have not confirmed a date with us yet, but it will be no later than September.
In other Asssscat news, we have been invited to do NYC Central Park’s Summerstage. That show will be on July 21, right in the middle of the 7th annual Del Close Marathon. It’s free! If you ever planned on visiting NYC, then this is the week.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER TO PLAY ON UCB?
Redneck and Sweet Johnny V are the two characters which I try to play as much as I can. They are amalgamations of drug dealers and former aquaintances in my youthful days of Arkansas. The Food Nazi is another character which was transformed on Crossballs to be the Fashion Nazi. His current incarnation is Pope Ratzinger Benedict XVI.

IS ANTOINE REALLY A CYBORG?
Is the glass half empty or half full? I’d rather focus on the parts of Antoine that we know to be human. Antoine is a really good guy. He’s at least 23% human and that’s enough human for me.

WHY IS YOUR ONE MAN SHOW CALLED “WOO PIG SOOIE!”?
It takes a one man show to explain this completely, but in short, “woo pig sooie” is how one calls a hog, or more specifically, riles up a razorback. See show at UCBTheater in LA beginning in July.

I WANT TO BE A COMEDIAN BUT HOW CAN YOU WATCH YOURSELF IN A RECORDING WITHOUT THINKING THAT YOU DID A TERRIBLE JOB?
Now you see why comedians are drunks and druggies. It’s a fringe benefit of the job. I add a laugh track to all my videos. And it’s a specialized laugh track. It’s a hundred hot, cool, smart people laughing.

April 19th, 2005
ARE THE UCB OPENING A THEATER IN LA? WILL THIS AFFECT THE NYC UCB THEATER?
Yes we are opening a theater in LA. It should open in June or July and we will start classes even sooner. If you are interested please get on our LA mailing list which can be found on the UCB theater website. www.ucbtheater.com
Of course, the theater in NYC will remain and continue to prosper. Hopefully the best shows from both theaters will cross-pollinate and produce mutant shows. The mutant shows will then be bred and their off-springs will be raised in seclusion. By 2050 our shows should be invincible and immune to all disease.

DID THE UCB START THE MARIJUANA CODE 4:20?
Of course we did. Yet another UCB number combination has been ripped off. In the 70’s some burnouts called the Waldoes stole it from our Inner Sanctum. Now everyone is saying it. I have compiled a list of other facts about the origin of 4:20.
- 4:20 has great significance…. 4:20 pm is world wide “burn time”.
- 4/20 is the toker’s New Year’s Day.
- April 20th (4/20) is another usage, meaning that it is time for the weed farmers to plant sweet seeds before the summer
- Police dispatch code for smoking pot is 420. Checks of criminal codes suggest that the origin is Humboldt County, California.
- There are exactly 420 active chemicals in marijuana.
- April 20th is National Pot Smokers Day.
- April 20th is Hitler’s birthday.
- The date of the Columbine school shootings.
- Bob Marley died at 4:20.
- Tommy Chong born at 4:20 on 4/20.
- 4:20 was when many God damn hippies could finally get out of detention and get to smoke their first joint of the day.
- 4:20 is tea time for pot-smokers in Holland.
- 4:20 is the time you should dose to be peaking when the (Grateful) Dead went on stage.
- Paul McCartney released “Band on the Run” on 4/20.
- Bob Dylan’s song “Rainy Day Woman # 12 and 35.” 12 multiplied by 35 equals none other than 420. In the same song Dylan chants, “everybody must get stoned” over and over again. From the album “Blonde on Blonde”.

Well, they’ll stone ya when you’re trying to be so good,
They’ll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to go home.
Then they’ll stone ya when you’re there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they’ll stone ya when you’re walkin’ ‘long the street.
They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to keep your seat.
They’ll stone ya when you’re walkin’ on the floor.
They’ll stone ya when you’re walkin’ to the door.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

They’ll stone ya when you’re at the breakfast table.
They’ll stone ya when you are young and able.
They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to make a buck.
They’ll stone ya and then they’ll say, “good luck.”
Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they’ll stone you and say that it’s the end.
Then they’ll stone you and then they’ll come back again.
They’ll stone you when you’re riding in your car.
They’ll stone you when you’re playing your guitar.
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they’ll stone you when you walk all alone.
They’ll stone you when you are walking home.
They’ll stone you and then say you are brave.
They’ll stone you when you are set down in your grave.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned
- The Beatles song “Come Together” is 4:20 in length
- In the works of H. P. Lovecraft. A short story of his, entitled “In the Walls of Eryx” and first published in Weird Tales [34, No. 4 (October 1939), pp50-68], contains this passage:
I had encountered at least one of those curious mirage-plants about which so many of our men told stories. Anderson had warned me of them, and described their appearance very closely—the shaggy stalk, the spiky leaves, and the mottled blossoms whose gaseous dream-breeding exhalations penetrate every existing make of mask…Although everything was spinning perilously, I tried to start in the right direction and hack my way ahead. My route must have been far from straight, for it seemed hours before I was free of the mirage-plant’s pervasive influence. Gradually the dancing lights began to disappear, and the shimmering spectral scenery began to assume the aspect of solidity. When I did get wholly clear I looked at my watch and was astonished to find that the time was only 4:20. Though eternities had seemed to pass, the whole experience could have consumed little more than a half-hour.
- Longitude 4 degrees and latitude 20 degrees marks the location of the Garden of Eden. The apple in the Garden of Eden is actually the marijuana bud. Adam and Eve smoked it and that made them so horny that they committed the Original Sin.
- D is the 4th letter in the alphabet and T is the 20th letter, and the DT’s are what you get when you go cold turkey on the marijuana. D.T. stand for the Devil’s Trap or Devil’s Tool or Devil’s Titty.
- WARNING FLAG – It certainly doesn’t matter too much where the term came from because for us parents, it’s a flag, a warning sign that our teenagers may be into something that could harm their future. When you see the symbol 420, be aware of what it represents. Marijuana is the Devil’s Tool.
ANAGRAMS of “four twenty” =
“we fun to try” – subliminal message to encourage addiction to pot
“went fry out” – which is what your brain does.
“try new tofu” – further evidence of the hippie conspiracy to ruin the beef industry and thus deprive Americans of the protein they need to keep alert to the communists, atheists, liberals, etc.
“new fury tot” – refers to the anti-Christ baby coming to Earth to usher in the apocalypse.
“wet fun Troy”- like the Trojan horse the hippies try to slip their evil into use with their supposedly fun harmless drug.

April 15th, 2005
ARE THE UCB OPENING A THEATER IN LA? WILL THIS AFFECT THE NYC UCB THEATER?
Yes we are opening a theater in LA. It should open in June or July and we will start classes even sooner. If you are interested please get on our LA mailing list which can be found on the UCB theater website. www.ucbtheater.com

WHEN IS ASSSSCAT GOING TO BE ON BRAVO?
We have edited Asssscat and we are very happy with the results. Hopefully if it goes over well then it can be a series but for now it will be just one hour special featuring the 4UCB plus Horatio Sans, Rachel Dratch, Kevin Dorf, Andy Richter, and Tina Fey. We don’t have info yet on an air date but come back here and the UCB website for new info.

WHAT DOES “DON’T THINK” MEAN?
After watching all thirty episodes of UCB one should understand the meaning of this all important phrase. Beware of those who ask you to not think, and if you don’t get what I mean then just don’t think about it. Bush and the crazy Christians don’t want us to think. That’s why you need to support this anti-censorship legislation.
SUPPORT HR 1440- Stamp Out Censorship Act of 2005
With President Bush now supporting the very dangerous and unconstitutional effort to extend so-called “broadcast decency standards” to cable and satellite television, Congressman Bernie Sanders said today that passage of his legislation HR 1440, is now more important than ever. HR 1440 would prohibit the government from regulating content on cable TV, satellite radio and the internet. Sanders said; “I am extremely concerned about the growing trends toward censorship and authoritarian government that we are currently seeing. In a free society, people who pay for cable TV should have the right to watch what they want. They don’t need government commissars regulating what they see and hear. If Bush’s idea is adopted, programs like the Sopranos, the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Sex in the City, the Shield, the Howard Stern Show and many other shows could be taken off of cable or significantly changed. This is not what America is supposed to be about. Sanders continued; “If we start regulating cable for “indecency,” where will it end? We have Republican leaders who are threatening our independent judiciary for the decisions they make. We have a President who travels the country on taxpayer dollars doing “town meetings” on Social Security, but who refuses to allow American citizens who disagree with him to ask questions. We have a Republican House Leadership which keeps the vote rolls open after regulation time expires in order to twist arms and win votes. Will it soon be “indecent” for people on television to criticize the President? Is that the Republican definition of “freedom?”
Use this handy website to find out who your rep is then send him an email asking him to support Bernie.

http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.shtml

And please spread this info.

WHERE DID YOU GET THE “I HUNT WHITE TAIL YEAR ROUND” HAT?
My Redneck character has worn a baseball cap featuring the slogan above. When you hunt white tail deer year round then you get the hat at the end of the year. It is taken away from you at the end of the next year if you have failed to hunt the white tail all the year round. You can’t buy this cap, you have to hunt for it.

WHEN WILL YOU RELEASE UCB DVD SEASON 2?
Unfortunately the release of the DVD is not up to the UCB. Please contact Comedy Central through their website to express your interest in a season 2 & 3 DVDs. Thanks for your support.

WHAT DOES ASSSSCAT MEAN?
It has been said that ASSSSCAT is an acronym which stands for Automatic Sprinkler System Shutdown Siamese Connection Alternative Theater (or Television). It has been said that Asssscat is the Aramaic word for chaos. It has been said that the Asssscat is an animal bred by the Knights of the Templar. Others attribute the word to another knight, Sir Mix A Lot. More research is required.

WILL YOU COME TO MY TOWN TO PERFORM YOUR ONE MAN SHOW?
It depends on my schedule but I do like to tour my one man show. If you’d like to book me then call the UCB office in NYC and ask for Eli. 212-366-9176

ARE THE UCB IN THE UCB TOURING COMPANY?
The UCB 4 including Matt Besser, Amy Poehler, Ian Roberts, and Matt Walsh are not touring as a group because it is impossible to coordinate our different work schedules. Besser, Roberts, and Walsh all now live in LA so they are more likely to do improv shows together on occasion.

CAN I INTERN AT THE UCB THEATER?
Most likely. Just contact our theater manager in NYC.
Alex Siditis alex@ucbt.net or 212-39-66-9176

WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW?
Arcade Fire
The Evens
Ben Lee “Awake is the New Sleep”

WHERE DID YOU GET SWEET JOHNNY V’S DRUMSET? WHERE CAN I GET HIS COFFEE TABLE?
In his will John Bonham gave his drum set to Sweet Johnny V. The coffee table with secret storage space for weed is a one of a kind. And by kind I mean bud.

 

February 14th, 2005
WHERE CAN I GET A UCB JACKET?
Many people email me asking if they can buy a UCB jacket like the ones we wear while on missions. A UCB jacket must be earned. I seems like that is obvious. Is there a store where you can buy a Pope hat or some angel wings?

ARE THE UCB GOING ON TOUR?
Our theater has a touring company which is always going on tours, but the UCB 4 which include Besser, Poehler, Roberts, and Walsh is not going on tour any time in the near future. We are too busy on our own individual projects. If you want to book the UCB Theater touring company in your town/college, then contact Eli during business hours at the UCB Office 212-366-9176 or eli@ucbt.net

IS ASSSSCAT GOING TO BE A SHOW ON BRAVO?
We are taping an hour special for BRAVO that will air for sure. It is not a pilot but f the special goes well then maybe it will become a series.
In addition to the UCB 4, we will have Tina Fey and Andy Richter doing monologues and Rachel Dratch, Kevin Dorff, Horatio Sanz will imporvise.
The show will be taped at Chelsea studios and will not affect our Sunday shows at the UCB Theater which will continue every Sunday.

IS SUPERCOOL A REAL DRUG OR IS IT JUST THE SUGAR IN A PIXIE STICK?
The molecular structure of the substance found inside a Pixie stick is almost identical to the world’s most powerful drug, Supercool. But Supercool will get you much higher. Most of the NBA does Supercool every day.

January 26th, 2005
Bullshit On That List
Things that I would like to shout out to these people if I ever saw them in a public area. I feel the best way to insult someone is to call them m”fat” or to question their virility. These insults below need a punch up, so if you have any submissions send them to my mail address. The best ones will be added to the list.

1. Monica Lewinski – “I love your work… on that blowjob. You are to blowjobs what Xeorox is to copying. You’re the most famous adulteress of the last one hundred years. You are the most influential cum receptacle ever. A good way to get out of the limelight is to not blab your huge fat mouth. Rod Stewart thanks you for replacing him at the top of the dicksucking legends.”
2. Kenneth Starr – “You are not the hero that you imagine in your own head. You are the biggest cog in the very real Republican conspiracy. How is a President impeachable for an act of adultery but not for sending a thousand kids to die in a senseless war?”
3. Linda Tripp – a former White House secretary who came to epitomize the self-righteous tattle-tale, threw herself into the middle of the Clinton investigation by secretly taping revealing conversations with one-time friend Monica Lewinsky. With school-girl breathiness, Lewinsky confided the details of her affair with President Clinton, providing Tripp with 20 hours of recorded evidence. The legality of and motives behind Tripp’s actions became new material for investigation. (*this is some descrition I copied off some website somewhere) – “You’re the most evil, most destructive gossiper in the history of the world. How could any human ever love you? How could a dog even love you? If there was a robot made just to love you, then you would make it self-destruct because even it could not love you.”
4. Senator Joe Lieberman – “Stop calling yourself a Democrat. You are embarrassing to Democrats. You are a Republican in Democrat’s clothing. Your uptight moral value phony baloney would look more appropriate in the right wing.”
5. Heather Wilson – congresswoman for New Mexico’s 1st District – She was very upset by Janet Jackson’s nipple. “If you had sex every once in a decade then you wouldn’t be as uptight as you are. Why make the nation suffer for your bad sex life? You embarrass your children. ”
20 First Plaza NW
Suite 603
Albuquerque, NM 87102
505-346-6723 fax

6. Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas is a leading voice in calling for increased corporate responsibility in the entertainment industry. Not a fan of Howard Stern – “You are so repressed, you’re probably scared of your own genitals.”

7. Governor Huckabee “Please stop embarrassing Arkansas.”

Valentines Day conversion
Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee believes ‘Covenant Marriage’ is the solution to his state’s high divorce rate
If you aren’t familiar with “Covenant Marriage,” you should be by Valentines Day. In an event resembling the mass marriage ceremonies presided over by the Unification Church’s Reverend Sun Myung Moon, Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee and his wife will convert their thirty-year marriage to covenant marriage on February 14 — Valentines Day — and they hope to be joined for a mass covenant marriage ceremony by 1,000 other Arkansas couples at the Alltel Arena in North Little Rock.
In mid-November, Governor Huckabee, accompanied by Dennis Rainey of Little Rock, Arkansas-based FamilyLife, a division of Campus Crusade for Christ, spent two days barnstorming about the state seeking converts. The governor said that while he thought the cost of the soiree would be covered by donations, he pointed out that he didn’t mind using taxpayer funds to promote the project: “We believe it’s an important enough event to use this time and resources for it because, quite frankly, we’re spending an enormous amount of money dealing with the consequences of marriages that don’t work out.”

8. Alexandra Pelosi- daughter of Nancy Pelosi and pretends to be some kind of documentary maker but is more just a camera holder and not funny gad fly that she wishes to be. – “Your mother is really cool. Too bad she didn’t pass any of that along to you. You are not funny. Someone needed to tell you that along time ago.

9. Bruce “the Rat” Ratner – The new owner who has ruined the Nets. “Hey Rat! Ante up ante up!”

10. Dat Phan – Winner of last Comic Standing season 1 who used huge stereotypical Korean dialect to mock his mother and her native country. “Ching chhong donkey kong!”

I’ll be in NYC Feb. 19-25. Check out “Woo Pig Sooie” at the UCB Theater and go to the special taping of Asssscat on Feb. 24. www.ucbtheater.com will have best info.

January 8th, 2005
QUESTION: I like how you play the two women ( The lake nymph from “The Lady of the Lake” and the wife in the Chinese restaurant from the “Time Machine”). They really capture more of a femanine quality and don’t seem like you are doing drag. I am a first year improv student who thinks a lot of you guys, and not until I saw you do these two characters did I have some way of approaching actually playing a women in a way that seems real. What I’m hoping is that maybe you can give me a little insite into how you got to these characters.

ANSWER: Every male wishes to know the secrets of the female species. I was only able to play women after I was willing to give up my relentless masculinity. Cutting off my penis was one of the best moves that I ever made to improve my improv skills. There are male improvisers out there who will claim duct taping your balls back is enough, but I think anything less than full castration is just going to make you a one gender improviser.

I’m in NYC jan. 9-16 so everyone check out my shows at the ucb theater, Eating It, and Upstairs at Riffi.

December 15th, 2004
PATRIOT ACT SANTA

You better watch out

You better watch out! Watch out for any suspicious activity, especially watch out for foreigners. The “You better watch out!” campaign is going to get a lot of government funding this year. It’s important to let the world know how terrified it should be and how much we should be watching. Ho ho ho.

You better not cry, Better not pout
I’m telling you why

We are really going to crack down on pouting. Pouting will not be tolerated! This rampant Hollywood liberal elitist pouting is akin to treason. Most of my elf workforce has been reassigned to enforcing the pouting punishments.

Santa Claus is coming to town!

No thanks to the Democrats spending your hard earned tax dollars on special interests groups.

I’m making a list
And checking it twice;

I been looking at my list and you are all on the list. This year we are not just checking the list twice. Every name will be cross checked dozens of times.

Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice

I’m checking to see who’s been naughty or nice or foreign looking, especially you fellows with the crazy facial hair. Sure I have a beard but I live at the North Pole where a beard actually helps keep you warm. You terrorist looking lads have no excuse.
Hear this naughty kids! My legion of flying magical reindeer will be rounding up naughty kids and putting them in a special naughty camp in Guantanamo Bay. There we will find out the intent of the child’s naughtiness and see if there are any ties to the Al Queda. Of course, truly naughty kids will be deported and these actions will cut into the coal budget severely in fact we may completely cut our Coal In the Stockings Program completely.
We will also be keeping a lookout for certain nice kids. If nice kids are nice to naughty kids we want to know why.

Santa Claus is coming to town

No thanks to tax and spend liberals like Hillary Clinton.
He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when you’re awake

The public has been made aware numerous times that we know when you are sleeping and we know when you are awake, and we have complete access to everything on your computer. Our elfin technology is more advanced than using hidden cameras. We now can use satellites to measure your body heat. Masturbation will not be tolerated.

We know if you’ve been bad or good…

We know every purchase that you’ve made with a credit card, and we also have ways of tracking your cash purchases. What are all those one way tickets about? Why all the fertilizer? Why do you own a Koran?

So be good for goodness sake!

So be good for goodness sake and also be good to avoid imprisonment.

SO! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town

October 22nd, 2004
CROSSBALLS RERUNS
Crossballs in new time slot! Spread the word!
Beginning Nov. 8
Crossballs will rerun
on Comedy Central
Monday – Friday
at 6:30pm and 1:30am EST
These times never seem to be right so check out your own local listings.

NOVEMBER 2
Obviously we all need to vote, but it’s how we can influence others which is important. Do you know anyone who lives in a swing state that is sitting on the fence? If yes then get them off their ass and make them vote Democrat. Do you have a friend who is only a Republican because his or her parent is one? If yes then make fun of them, berate them, do whatever it takes to get them to rethink their ill found loyalty. Convince them to stay home Nov. 2.
Political bumper stickers don’t help the cause, it more likely hurts it. Just because you are a democrat doesn’t mean you’re a good driver. That sticker will become the car’s identifying feature so after one of your rude cut-offs people will be saying “That John Kerry mutherfucker cut me off!”
What will really turn the tide is getting your relatives and friends who live in the middle of America to stop voting Republican just because it’s a tradition in their family or they really respect the party of Lincoln.
Fuck Bush.

WHAT IS IN YOUR CD PLAYER?
Although this is a queer question, I do like answering it.
Weakerthans (all three releases are great)
Broken Social Scene “You Forgot It In People”
Bonnie Prince Billy “Greatest Palace Music”
Balzac “Beyond the Darkness”
Green Day “American Idiot” – I make no apologies for liking rock operas.

DID ANY OF THE REAL GUESTS ON CROSSBALLS RECOGNIZE YOU AS ADAIR?
No. Fame has never really been a big problem for me. None of the guests on Crossballs ever thought that we were actors. Sometimes right after the great absurdity of the fourth act a few real guests caught on that we were comedians. The two guests in the science show seemed to think the clones arguing with each other was funny.

I did, however get recognized as Bong Boy a lot when I was at the last Phish show. I think many people thought that they were hallucinating me.

I don’t have time to answer everyone’s mail so I will try to answer your questions on this page.
Send any further questions to adair@uprightcitizens.org and I’ll try to answer them in the future on this page.
Also check out the new Crossballs message board on ucbtheatre.com

September 8th, 2004
I’d like to thank everyone who writes me. I don’t have time to answer everyone’s mail so I will try to answer your questions on this page.
Send any further questions to adair@uprightcitizens.org and I’ll try to answer them in the future on this page.
Also check out the new Crossballs message board on ucbtheatre.com

On Thursday, Sept. 23 at 9:30, I will do my show “FGod” at the UCB Theater in NYC.
It will include bits from previous shows plus some new ones. I promise to F God.
I will do the Asssscats on Sept. 26.

Tour Info
I’m thinking about touring my one man show in Jan. and May and maybe this Dec. So I’m trying to get info on towns which go for alternative comedy types like myself. In the future we might send other acts from the UCB Theater. Please send your info to adair@uprightcitizens.org
Or post on the UCB Theater forum. Any info about your town would be great.

Best venue for comedy?
Capacity:
All ages?

Best venue for indie label music?
Capacity:
All ages?

Local college?

Best record stores?

Best cafes?

Best radio station? Radio show?

Best local paper? Entertainment writer?

Best local improv/sketch group?

Your favorite website for getting info about comedy, tv, or DVDs?

What would you like to see in a touring show?

What are the three coolest (whatever that means to you) cities in the USA?

What was the best act(Comedian, band, etc…) that has recently played in your town? Where did they play?

Crossballs
Thanks for all the compliments about Crossballs. If you want Crossballs to rerun at a later time slot or you want a DVD then please tell Comedy Central at mail@comedycentral.com
Check out the new message boards in the forum section of ucbtheatre.com

Fatty Arbuckle
If you are the guy who called me about actors for the Fatty film I have them now. Please contact me again.

August 28th, 2004

I’d like to thank everyone who writes me. I don’t have time to answer everyone’s mail so I will try to answer your questions on this page.
Send any further questions to adair@uprightcitizens.org and I’ll try to answer them in the future on this page.
Also check out the new Crossballs message board on ucbtheatre.com

HOW BIG IS YOUR COCK RING?
I get this question a lot. Actually my size cock ring is hard to find. I usually have to shop at the Big & Tall Men porno boutiques. I also know a guy who makes cock rings for horse cocks so that usually works out for me.

WILL CROSSBALLS BE ON DVD? WHEN WILL UCB SEASON 2 COME OUT ON DVD? CAN YOU RERUN CROSSBALLS LATER AT NIGHT?
I wish this were up to me but it is not. The rumor about UCB season 2 coming out this winter is untrue. The only way to get these DVDs released is for you to let Comedy Central know how much you want it. Mail@comedycentral.com

WHAT INSPIRED CROSSBALLS? HOW DID YOU MAKE CROSSBALLS? HAVE YOU EVER DONE CROSSBALLS AT THE UCB THEATER?
When I was in college from ‘85-’89, I had a college radio show, “Matt’s Magical Sack of Dump”. I played punk music and called up local stores, frats, and students and fucked with them playing different characters and sometimes just being myself. At that time I read an underground annual journal of sorts called “Research” and this issue was “Pranks”. This is when I first got turned on to Joey Skaggs and Alan Abel, and Coyle & Sharpe. (Mal Sharpe and Joey Skaggs have lectured at our theater in NYC). I also watched the Andy Kaufman in the Catch a Rising Star Reunion video and I knew that I wanted to pursue a similar path. After college I moved to Chicago in 1990 where me and my group the Upright Citizens Brigade (Ian Roberts, Matt Walsh, Amy Poehler, Adam McKay, Horatio Sans, Neil Flynn, Rich Fulcher) started doing sketch shows where all of our performances hinged on fucking with the audience’s minds. We always took the audience out into the streets at some point in the show so that they would fall for weird shit when it happened. We did shows where our actors got hit by cars, jumped off a roof to commit suicide, and once we started a small traffic jam/riot in the middle of Wicker Park where Horatio really got arrested and taken away to jail. In other shows we were really threatened by Latin Kings and I was once choked by a wino who said we were performing on his corner. We once convinced an audience that we were breaking into someone’s house to steal a bass guitar. Many shows ended with throwing raw biscuit dough at the audience and then driving off as we left them blocks away from the theater.
While I was doing UCB shows, I was also doing one man shows. My first one, “How Much I Lied” and all of my shows since (“May I Help You Dumbass”, “Don’t Be A Dick”), have been based around real letters to the editor, prank calls, and hidden camera pieces. Check out uprightcitizens.org and mattbesser.com
I collect letters to the editor mostly focusing on people who get upset over small things like children not knowing how to spell, or dog owners not picking up poop on the sidewalk. I would take the issues in these letters to the streets with a camera, a petition, and much loud protest. I would interview people saying that I was from a cable access show or a documentary or I’d use a hidden camera.
By my biggest obsession was starting fabricated absurd controversies in the letters to the editor sections of the Chicago Tribune, the Reader, and the New City. In the letters I wrote, I portrayed different characters that had big problems with little issues like crossword puzzle pencils, fan conduct at Cubs games, Godot vs. baseball, the true meaning of “alternative rock”, the violence of Thunderball, a drug worse than crack called Supercool, and the class differences between salad dressings. Real letter writers took my letters seriously and this often stirred debate. It has since been a goal of mine to bring this format to television. Through the last 15 years I have pitched some version of my letter performances which included hidden camera pieces, prank phone calls, and man-in-the-street interviews. All the bits hinged on stirring up fake controversy with real people.
In the stage show, I would play these videos, read the letters, and I would get the phone numbers of several of the letter writers and call them live in the show and I would fuck with them arguing over or sometimes over-supporting their particular issue. It was complicated to do live and there was always feedback and I had to explain away the audience’s muffled laughter but it always went over well because people enjoy hearing people get upset of absurdly small issues.
In the mid 90’s, along with Eric Zicklin and I made a pilot with MTV called the “The Mailroom Guy” where I read real letters from MTV fans and I did bits around them. I must admit that it wasn’t that good but it was my first experience at making tv and I guess I learned a lot. Suffice it to say that the pilot did not “go”, but I have continued to push for a letter show ever since.
In 1996 the UCB moved from Chicago to NYC. Our sketch show, “Upright Citizens Brigade” (Amy Poehler, Ian Roberts, Matt Walsh) was on Comedy Central for three seasons from 1998-2000. One of the elements of our show was to take characters or premises from our scenes and then take them out into the real world and fuck with people.
After we were cancelled, at the UCB Theater I ran early versions of Crossballs which more resembled Crossfire because I hosted with a co-host Sean Conroy (Drug & Fat episodes). At first the show was an extension of my one man show “Don’t Be A Dick” and then it became its own show called “The Hard & Fast Report”.
For a long time I’ve wanted to do a parody of debate shows where I got idiots on the show who would believe my most absurd characters and their absurd opinions. My first idea was to get the actual letter writers on the show to debate me. I’ve pitched some version of that idea since my days in Chicago. After the UCB show, I performed and was the head writer for a prank show briefly on MTV called “Stung with Methodman and Redman”. It wasn’t the greatest show but it was well received and a precursor to Punk’d. Methodman and Redman wanted to move on and MTV didn’t believe that I could star in it by myself because I’m not a “celebrity”. For a while I really thought that show was going to be my way in to having my letter debate prank show, but I was (and still am) a “no name”.
When I have pitched this idea around in the past no one would give me a chance because once again I wasn’t enough of a “known”. I pitched the show to HBO before Ali G was on the air. I pitched it to around 8 other places and at least half of them said right after I pitched them. “Yes that sounds like Phil Hendrie for TV”. Other development execs brought up Ali G and Brass Eye and lamely enough even Mancow. Some of my friends also brought up these references when I would tell them my idea. Honestly I got sick of people bringing up those names because what they were really saying is that the idea is already being done. The existence of similar shows didn’t bother me because I knew that me and my cast and writers and producers and editors would do the fucking with people idea different than everyone else. Since the debate shows on CNN and FNN and other cable news networks are gaining popularity, my debate show parody finally seemed ripe in the last few years.
Once I got together with my co executive producer Charlie Siskel (“Awful Truth”) Comedy Central gave us the green light. Charlie really helped mold the show concept into its final format and mark production process. The process of finalizing the show format involved deciding what news channel debate show form to parody the most. There are really big differences between Meet the Press, Hardball, and Crossfire. We tried to create the right mix of elements.

HOW DO YOU GET THE REAL GUESTS?
The way to produce the marks was the biggest issue. At first I wanted the marks to all be letter writers but that proved too narrow of a pool to pursue so we changed it to experts. Most of the marks on our show are leaders of organizations, or authors, or C list celebrities. Some were directly contacted based on info we learned about them from research. Others answered notices we left on special interest message boards or Craigslist. The guests were told that they were going to on a new debate show on the MTV networks. They were not told that it was called Crossballs until they got to the studio. I always thought that some guest would balk at the Crossballs signage when they walked out onto stage but they never did. Every guest bought the show on some level or another. A few figured it out as the fourth act came to a close. For example, the guys on the Science show got it as the clones spoke simultaneously. Sometimes at the end of an act a guest would ask “Is this a joke”, and then one of our great segment producers would promptly find ways to refocus their thoughts on their own agenda.

HOW CAN YOU PRODUCE A SECOND SEASON SINCE THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG?
Everyone thinks that we can’t produce a second season now that it is talked about all over the web because it will now be impossible to produce real guests. Ultimately I’m okay with that because I’m proud of the 23/24 that we did and I’m ready to move on to my next idea if that’s the way it’s going to be. The ratings have been phenomenal, but the number will probably stay 23.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GUNS EPISODE “Pistol Whipped” OF CROSSBALLS?
I always thought that it would be cool to have a lost episode.
Below I have excerpted some of my favorite lines from the Pro Gun message board, thehighroad.org

Summary of the Crossballs “Gun Episode”
One of the panelists was an a**wipe commedian and proceeded to show how i proved guns were just an extension of guys penis’s. He had a penis pump that he brought out and asked one of the panelists if he’d agree to give up his guns in exchange for the penis pump. He reduced our gun rights to a penis pump.
Basically i was the set up for HIS joke
F**kers all. hollywood can suck my barrel!…. they consider themselves so liberal, so passionate, yet they are a bunch of money hungry, dishonest sh**s!
Pass along that the “Debate Show” is a bunch of liberal sh**ts setting up honest gun owners for their own comedic purposes. They tried to humiliate a member of our community. F’her the little lying biatch

Rue The Day

Oh MAN have they screwed with the wrong dude here.
Grrrrrr.

Stick it to ‘em, Jim!!
I think ”crucifiction” is a word that comes to mind …. give em hell.
They deserve it … and more.
Give ‘em hell Jim!

I knew things had gone WAY south once I realized this bizarre gadget he’d just handed me was something I’d vaguely heard of but never seen. A penis pump. Swear to God.

Send lawyers, guns, and money . . .
Those bastages have to pay and pay dearly. Don’t let them get away with this, show them why they need to learn to fear us.
Jim … crucify the bastages.

What they did to me was vile.
The results were absolutely pornographic, vile, hateful and racist.
Damn.
Anyways. They REALLY took me for a ride.

What I can’t believe is that WE have guns and they treat us this way, and they are unarmed..
Jim, what you showed was that armed men have more restraint than unarmed ones.
If there’s anything that you want doing, I’ll be in it.
Now I think I’d better hit the range, and fire off a whole bunch of ammo at poor defenseless targets. I’ll still be bloody angry about this whole deceitful thing, but maybe I’ll be calmer.

Folks, I’m going to tell y’all something and I am 100% serious when I say it.
I’d rather have this show killed than have a couple million dollars cash.

Jim! Do you realize what you could do with a couple of million bucks? Why, you could buy every one of us the firearm of our choice.

The “release” (contract) was obtained under false pretenses, it wasn’t worth a bucket of warm spit and they could “bite me” if they thought I’d honor any part of it.
Well I could act all saintly and say I’m out to protect others, and ya, there’s an element of that…but there’s also this dire need to screw these jack!$#s back to the maximum degree possible .
They will “Rue the day”

Oh, I agree – screw ‘em!
Never forewarn your opponent, nor give them ammunition to use against you.
Puke slurping anti gun roadkill larvae inbreds
Let me know if you need a few bucks to shaft these mutant nutsacks. this ALMOST makes me angry. I might tell em how I really feel.

I think that in most cases, they were mostly civilized but when they got to “the gun guy” the rules went totally out the window and they went flat-out crazy.
To allow these clowns to get away with this would be a horrible thing to do to our society.

I suspect others here would prefer that this “trend” in “entertainment programming” will die a much needed death.
Gird your loins and fight the basturds!
While I know where we get these guys it still leaves the one burning question “Where do we get these guys?!?!?”
Unleash hell, Jim.
In the Crossballs shows I’ve watched, the audience laughs and boos and groans. Could you hear them react from where you sat?

Oh and YES, I could see the audience. I still can, late at night when I wake up in a cold sweat…

[The Gun show is pulled.]

WHAT!? They blinked!? I’ve been staggering all over the capitol today sweating that this piece o’ crap was gonna show, and they *backed down*?
Gawd. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Ohhhhh ya. HELL ya. Excuse me while I go do the giant gun nut happy dance . They. BLINKED. And then there’s just one more teensy issue. Actually, 200 issues. Yup. The $200 in travel expenses I’m still out . I want it. I’ll go to small claims court if I have to.

The Rock Incident
Ok, so by the end of this bizarre crap as the closing credits are rolling, he pulls out a fairly big rock and holds it in a throwing position, growling and snarling at me, and making pathetic throwing motions.
I came *this* close to pulling a knife on his dumbass. Had my hand all the way in my pocket. Paused there, thought better of it.
And that was NOT the weirdest crap that went on.
I am SOOOO pissed right about now…
The rock in question looked real.
He was also “white knuckling it” while making throwing/hammering motions (plus literally “growling/snarling”). I’m 100% sure it was real. Remember, he’d brought other “props” to this mess, including the penis pump .
I wasn’t worried about him throwing the rock, I was worried about him straight-up smashing me over the noggin with it. He was only 5ft or so away.
The sumbitch literally had me in fear for my life once that dang rock came out.

The more I read about this, the more I wish you had pulled your knife on ‘Camo Boy’; not to hurt him, just to see the look on his face (and the faces of all responsible for this mess) once they realize they’ve bitten off waaayyy more than they can chew.
I’m picturing shocked expression, pants being wetted… BWAA Haaa haaa ha haaaa!
They (CC) probably HOPED Jim would end up pulling a knife. Indeed they probably hoped he was packing heat. Their two-bit leftist comedian could easily be sacrificed for some high ratings. It’s easy to replace such people.

Kerry Conspiracy on thehighroad.org
I was told after the show in phone calls with the producers that the guy who ripped me up “really believes his position”. Uh ya, no joke there! New York liberal whose website includes a “Comics For Kerry” blurb?
Oh, and just LOOK what we find at the home page for the “UprightCitizensBrigade”: I fully expect ‘em to take that Kerry bit down but it won’t matter.

Analogies on thehighroad.org
If you were invited to speak at a religious conference and then, upon arrival for same, found when they turned up the audience lights that the “religion” you had just spoken to was “Christian Identity” — and there were nothing but clan members and neo Nazis looking back at you — what would you do? Your reputation is shot. You are now going to be known as the guy who addressed a “Christian Identity” convention. You will be labeled a racist, homophobic, Jew-hating, holocaust denier. Would you be a bit miffed?
You then find out that the contract for your appearance had been falsified to reflect that the group is called “Christians for Christ” when in reality they are “Christian Identity”. Would you be a bit miffed?
Someone you love gets assaulted and raped. Later she becomes a well-known and respected victim advocate. One day she’s contracted to appear on a serious debate show; however once there she’s ridiculed, phallic objects are used as props suggesting she actually must have enjoyed the experience, and she walks away feeling like she just got raped again.
Same situation – different players. Would you still be laughing? Would it seem like a small thing then? “Oh honey, it’s ok – they were only joking. The viewing audience will understand.”

Racism
They then switch to yet another “live video feed”…this time to an anti-gun rap group. Not anti-VIOLENCE mind you, anti gun. They have no problems whatsoever “cruisin’ the hood” in a convertible while wearing neon feathers and warpaint and doing drive-by bow and arrow murders…with their “rap video” concluding with a black guy doing a cheesy fake death scene with fake blood and an arrow through the throat.
Their African-American “spokesman” (Jerry Minor) still in silly feathers and bad warpaint goes into an incoherent rant about guns being “from the white man” (my numbed brain was thinking “no, you idiot, the first guns were CHINESE!”). It was about as tasteless, vile and racist as it comes and concluded with a screaming match between the moderator and this “rap star”. Oh, until a fat Chinese guy (Horatio Sans) in medical scrubs snuck up behind the idiot in warpaint, injected him in the neck with a hypodermic, idiot in warpaint goes “unconscious” ‘cept we can see him giggling while the guy in scrubs screams something about “I’m gonna bust a CAP in you CAPilary, booyeeee!” in a bad Asian accent.

Best Sig Lines on thehighroad.org

“Most people come from the creator equipped with 2 hands. One to reach out to the fallen, the other to hold the club should he come up with a knife.”
feedthehogs

“Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at black masses
Evil minds that plot destruction
Sorcerers of death’s construction
In the fields the bodies burning
As the war machine keeps turning
Death and hatred to mankind
Poisoning their brainwashed minds, oh lord yeah!”

“A brick of .22lr is about the cheapest price you can pay for a days worth of grinning.”

“NRA Certified Instructor – and proud of it!”

“A Democracy: Three wolves and a sheep deciding on dinner. A Confederated Republic: Three wolves and a well armed sheep deciding on dinner.”

“To avoid the legal nets that entangled Bernie Goetz, just yell “Help! Help! Police!” like Kitty Genovese.”

“Left-Handed Gun lovin’ Unix using Asian Christian Libertarian Steyr M40 owner Cryptographer who wants to live in a Geodestic Dome. I redefine what “Minority” means.”

“Gun Control: The premise that a woman found in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is morally superior to allowing that same woman to defend her life with a firearm.
“Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house.” – Jules Henri Poincare
“Three thousand people died on Sept. 11 because eight pilots were killed”
– former Northwest Airlines pilot Stephen Luckey

“Join the NRA. Or there is no point to any of this.”……

For more info or your comments go to thehighroad.org and search for Crossballs

 

July 29th, 2004
I’m in New York City for the
Del Close Marathon. Stop by the theater and check it out.

-Matt

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